Dear Abby: News of mom’s secret affair changes everything

Dear Abby: I recently attended a funeral with my mother’s family. While I was visiting, one of my aunts confided that my mother cheated on my father while they were married. I’m sure my father has no idea about the affair.

My parents’ divorce was ugly. My mother told us many things about our father that I now know are lies — that he had fathered other children, was a pedophile and had hidden bank accounts full of money in other countries. Because of her lies, my siblings idolize our mother and loathe him.

I think I could change their minds if I told them about her affair. I know the man she had the affair with and could prove what I’m saying. I hate hearing my siblings drag Dad’s name through the mud for things he never did, knowing my mother continues to manipulate their emotions and opinions. Should I tell my siblings about her affair?

— Open-eyed Daughter Dear Open-eyed: Ask yourself why your aunt confided that information to you. Were her motives pure, or does she dislike her sister? You say your father has no idea your mother may have cheated, yet you say their divorce was “ugly.”

Could infidelity have had anything to do with it, and if so, whose?

You say you can prove what your aunt told you is true. To that I can only ask, HOW? Has it been confirmed by your mother’s supposed lover? If it has been confirmed, I see no reason why you shouldn’t disclose to your siblings what you were told. But unless you are 100% certain that it is true, my advice is to keep your mouth shut and let your AUNT be the one who delivers the news.