College tuition and divorce adds fuel to the fire

My wife and I are in the process of getting divorced. We have one child who is a sophomore in college and one a junior in high school. Our oldest, over my objection, enrolled in a very expensive school and one of the huge fights we’ve had is how to pay for it. My wife’s parents paid for all of her education but I paid my own way. My wife wants to use the equity in our home to finance college for both kids in full but I just can’t agree. I don’t want to work until I die — I want to retire someday and cannot see never having a paid off my house and not continuing to save for retirement. My wife says I have to pay half regardless of whether they go to school AND regardless of their grades. Is there anything I can do about this or am I really stuck?

In Massachusetts, parents can be ordered to pay up to one-half the cost of UMASS Amherst if there is not agreement otherwise as to how to pay for college. For your children, this means you are on the hook for approximately $15,000 per year per child. Certainly, that is no small number when you look at four years, but you only have one year of overlap when you actually have to pay the full $30,000. While it is always best to try to reach an agreement, understand if there is no agreement, this is what a court can order you to pay.

Another thing many parents agree on is dividing college costs on a one-third basis with each parent paying a third and the child paying a third. Sounds like your wife would not be in that camp but if the more expensive school is manageable with your paying onethird over the next two years, it is something to suggest. When a child has a horse in the race, they are often inclined to work harder and appreciate the education more.

Many parents agree to put a GPA restriction on their funding of college. For example, if a child gets a GPA below a certain bench mark the child has to get loans to cover the next semester tuition and expenses and if they bring grades back up, you and your wife would resume paying. However, given what you’ve said about your wife, she is unlikely to agree to this and I’ve yet to see a judge order such conditions.

If your wife wants to pay for more, she is certainly welcome to do so. Perhaps if her parents are still living and have the means, they would be willing to help with costs for their grandchildren much the same way they did for their daughter — it never hurts to ask.

At the end of the day, brace yourself, because your wife will surely share your unwillingness to pay more than required with your kids — hopefully they’re mature enough to understand your position.