Dear Abby: Childhood sexual abuse puts woman on troubled path

Dear Abby: I’m a widow in a new relationship. I was molested for years by an older sibling. When my behavior became troublesome — skipping school, becoming antisocial — I was sent to a reform school. The sibling was sent into the army.

When I was released from the school, I drifted into worse relationships and into the sex trade. I got out of that after six months. I’ve always felt like a “good girl,” but the past haunts me. It was always in the back of my mind. It still pops up on a regular basis, but I have not told my new partner.

A friend once said people don’t need to know everything about you, and I believe that. Some folks blamed me, although the abuse started before I was 8. Sometimes I feel I should tell my partner, as it affects my behavior — I have low self-esteem, etc. I’ve had counseling, but it didn’t help.

Do I need to share this to be completely honest about who I am? I have never felt “normal.” It’s as if I’m carrying a dreaded secret. Any advice?

— Good Girl in Washington Dear Good Girl: What you suffered as a child was not your fault. You needed counseling, not blame. Because you didn’t receive it then, it isn’t surprising your problems followed you.

Not knowing your partner, I cannot say if you should reveal your history to him. I can, however, strongly recommend you contact the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network at rainn. org or at 800-656-4673.

You will find a trained counselor who can guide you. Nothing you say will be a shock to that person, and you may be put in touch with help in your local area. Please don’t wait to reach out. Everything is confidential.