Daughter tired of cancer question

DEAR ABBY >> Last year my mother passed away after a 15-year battle with lung cancer. I am not bothered if people ask what she died from. However, more often than not, when they learn she died of lung cancer, they then ask me if she ever smoked. It’s so upsetting! Why would they ask this? Because she got what she deserved if she did?

Without answering their rude question, I say my mother had a rare, slowgrowing type of cancer that afflicts nonsmokers (which is true). Am I overreacting to this insensitive question? And is there a better way to answer so that people realize it doesn’t matter?

P.S. I would normally call my mother with questions like this.

— Motherless Daughter

DEAR MOTHERLESS >> Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your mother. People ask this question for many reasons. Curiosity is one of them. But I think there’s also an element of fear involved — was this the death of an innocent, or did the person do something to bring it on? Because lung cancer is linked so strongly to smoking and secondhand smoke, people often forget that nonsmokers can get it — including individuals who work around asbestos.

While I understand why you are sensitive to the question, I think you should answer it honestly. If you do, you might educate the asker. I can’t guarantee your mother would advise you to do it but, from my heart, I suggest you do.

DEAR READERS >> I wish a very Happy Mother’s Day to mothers everywhere — birth mothers, adoptive and foster mothers, stepmothers, grandmothers who are raising their grandchildren, and dual-role dads. Orchids to all of you for the love you give not only today, but each and every day.