Longtime beau flips out when woman redecorates

DEAR ABBY >> I have been with my boyfriend for nine years. Over the last three months or so we have been fighting. It started when I bought a cabinet for our bathroom. When he came home, he threw a hissy fit about it. He told me he didn’t like it and kept yelling at me “’cause I didn’t ask his opinion first.” Then he proceeded to tell me if I want to make changes to get my own house. During another fight the other day, he told me if I “need a new address” he would help me move.

I love him, but the things he says really hurt me. I don’t feel the same love for him that I did before.

I’m so ready to be on my own. I was controlled for 24 years by my ex-husband. I don’t want to be controlled anymore. My boyfriend seems to want things his way or no way at all. I definitely could use your advice on this situation. — Controlled Again in Ohio

DEAR CONTROLLED >> Ina premarital relationship, there is the concept of “mine” and “yours.” When people marry, it changes to “us” and “ours.” When your boyfriend of nine years pointed out that you are living in “his” house and you should have consulted him before trying to make changes, his point was valid. In his mind, your relationship hasn’t progressed to the next stage.

If you are sincere about being ready to be on your own again, then that is what you should do, because the intensity of this romance appears to be waning on both your parts.

However, whatever you decide, DO NOTHING IN ANGER. Talk this out if it’s possible. If you do, it may save your relationship. However, if that’s not possible, you will be able to move on with fewer regrets.