Ex’s new wife has bizarre rules for daughter

Q. My 16-year-old daughter, Molly, visits her father every other weekend. He is re-married. His wife has a 4 year old son, Josh, and they recently had a new baby. They have started asking Molly to babysit Josh every day after school, picking Josh up from preschool on her way. She loves Josh and the extra cash. Recently Molly has been telling me that sh is not allowed to see or hold the baby, is required to wear a mask in the house and she and Josh are restricted to the basement. Molly was told she has to take a COVID test every day before entering the house and administer one to Josh after school before he enters the house.

Molly keeps asking me if this is normal and how to respond to these bizarre requests. I suggested she talk with her father which resulted in an escalated verbal confrontation between him and his wife in front of Molly and Josh. I tried to talk with him and he shared our conversation with his wife who told my daughter if she doesn’t like their rules she is no longer welcome in their home. What options does my daughter have?

A. This is a tough one because it sounds like one of two things is going on — either the baby has some serious health issues which are not being shared with your daughter or her stepmother is having a mental health crisis of some sort.

If Molly decides to stop going to her father’s house in these conditions, she is old enough to do so and if he were to file a complaint for contempt against you for failing to “make” her comply with the parenting plan, his action would do nothing more than alienate her. If she were a few years younger you would need court intervention to address her desire not to go.

If she wants to keep going for Josh’s sake, suggest she can go out with just her dad at some point and ask him point blank if the baby is sick and that is the reason for the precautions. If dad says no, then she can shift and say in that case she is very concerned for his wife because the behavior is so paranoid. If Molly doesn’t feel she can have this conversation with her dad, you can try.