Getting to a successful outcome in court
Q. My ex is trying to rob me of time with my daughter and the court is supporting her! Why does she get more time with our daughter than me? I hate her and want nothing to do with her — and I told the judge that, too! I’m as fit as she is, but the judge gave my ex more time! I think the judge is prejudiced!
A. A lot of things go into a custody decision and corresponding parenting plan. My goal when I was working for the court system was to optimize both parents’ available time with their children. Things like how far the parent lives from the child’s school is a huge factor, as well as a parent’s work schedule.
So if one parent lives 10 minutes from the child’s school, and the other parent lives 45 minutes away, although the parent who lives 45 minutes away may feel like prejudice is a factor, the determinant is really how long a child has to sit in a car to be transported to and from school.
The powers that be are trying to put together a schedule that works for everyone — but especially the child.
Something else may have played into the judge’s decision. I’m speculating, but if you told them you hate your child’s other parent and want nothing to do with her, the judge may have been anticipating tumultuous exchanges, poor co-parenting or possibly badmouthing the other parent when the child is with you. All are extremely detrimental to a child’s emotional well-being.
If you want more time with your daughter, I would suggest:
1. Seek counseling to help you overcome your animosity. Attitude is everything, especially in court.
2. Seek co-parenting counseling to improve your communication and help you learn to problem-solve with your child’s other parent.
3. If you live farther than 30 minutes away from your child’s school, consider moving closer to make transportation easier and also allow her to share the same friends and social activities as when she is with her mother.
If you want a more successful outcome in court, do your best to look for positive solutions with your co-parent before you enter court. That’s good ex-etiquette.