Woman feels trapped living with BF & his dad
I live with my longtime boyfriend, “George,” and his 88-yearold father, “Frank.” Frank is not your average 88-year-old. He does almost everything anyone in their
60s would do. However, he’s used to us having dinner for him at the same time every night because he’s very regimented about everything. Frank gets everything taken care of and never has to worry about a thing. He pretty much keeps to himself. We have a coffee machine that’s easy to use, but Frank expects to have his coffee at a specific time as well. He refuses to even try to make it himself, which means we can’t sleep in even if we want to (we are retired).
I hate that Frank lives with us because it has caused a lot of problems between George and me. I feel trapped. If I have a disagreement with Frank, George takes his father’s side, even when he’s wrong. We cannot financially have Frank in his own place, either. I own a third of our house (no mortgage). All three of us depend on our Social Security for household expenses, and Frank pays the insurance on the cars. I just feel that as much as I do for them, I should get some backup. Please let me know your thoughts. — Feeling Used in Florida
DEAR FEELING USED >> If you haven’t told George how trapped and unhappy you feel, you should. If you are the maid, cook and laundress, perhaps it’s time he assumed responsibility for his father. Suggest he invest in an automatic coffeemaker that can be set for a specific time the night before Frank’s morning coffee is expected. That way you can sleep in if you wish.
From your letter, it’s clear to me your problems with the men in your life go beyond coffee duty. If you are truly unhappy with this arrangement (which, predictably, won’t last forever), consider consulting an attorney or a financial adviser about how to access the money you have invested in that house so you can live independently.