Absentee ex resurfaces to spend time with daughter

Q. I have sole custody of my daughter who is just finishing kindergarten. Her father has been out of the picture since she was born. We never went to court for anything and

I have always done everything for her. My two older kids are in college in Connecticut and I want to be closer to them. I have been looking for housing and a job there. I found a place to live as of July 1 and gave my landlord notice. I have some good leads for a job.

Last week my mom saw my ex's mother and mentioned that my daughter and I are moving. Out of nowhere, my ex started calling saying he wants to start taking our daughter for the weekend. He has a long history of drug addiction but says he has been clean for three months. I am scared he is going to try to mess up my move. What should I do?

A. First and foremost, three months is not long enough for him to have unsupervised time with your daughter — especially where he has no relationship with her at this point. If there is a relationship between your daughter and her paternal grandparents, you could consider asking them if they would supervise his spending some time with her. If not, you should suggest meeting up with him in a public place like a playground to spend a little time with them and reintroduce them.

It is fair to ask him for proof of his sobriety before he spends time with her.

Strictly speaking, the child removal statute applies to children of divorced parents so you could move and hope for the best. If you go this route, you should try to accelerate your move so he does not have a chance to take this a step further.

The safest thing to do is make nice with him and try to get him to sign something saying he agrees that you can move your daughter to Connecticut. You may have to invite him to come visit you there or agree to come back here from time to time to visit so he can see her in hopes of someday forming more of a relationship, assuming he can stay clean.

If you feel like he won't agree, you can begin raising the issue of his paying child support.

If he has no interest in paying support, you might be able to sign mutual letters — you agree not to look for child support right now if he agrees to the move.