Talk to fiance about visits from ex-wife

QWhat is considered to be appropriate behavior 15 years after a divorce in respect to the ex and overnight stays? There is no physical relations between the two former partners. They were married for 17 years and have two college-age children. The mother and children live out of state; however, whenever the mother or children decide to come to town, I, the long-term girlfriend of four years and referred to as “fiancé,” am expected to step aside while the mother stays in my house. One of the children takes this view as well and pushes me aside when she stays. This doesn’t seem right to me. What’s good ex-etiquette?

ASeriously? You’re telling me that every time his exwife comes into town, you are expected to move out? That’s is VERY questionable ex-etiquette. I mean over-the-top questionable. Red flag questionable.

This is what happens when appropriate boundaries are not set prior to entering a new relationship. Your fiancé hasn’t set appropriate boundaries in 15 years, and you haven’t set appropriate boundaries in the last four. His ex and his daughter are only expecting what they have been taught to expect.

It’s time to have that talk with your fiancé.

If your fiancé has been divorced for 15 years, plus he was married for 17 years, chances are he’s well over 50. If his exwife is around the same age, this puts them into a generation of people who may not regard living together as important as being married.

This means, no matter how long you live with this man, his ex-wife may not see your relationship is as serious as their marriage. And, if he hasn’t set her straight in the time that you have been together, he may feel the same way.

The only way his ex will stop the behavior you find offensive is if you and your fiancé set your own personal boundaries, and he communicates those boundaries to his ex-wife.

The next time mom comes into town, suggest she Google “hotels near me.” Dad is the one to pass on that invitation. That’s good ex-etiquette.