Unhappy ex sets deposition during his vacation

QI have been representing myself in my divorce because there is nothing to fight about —

I know our assets will be divided equally. My wife remains unhappy with my decision to divorce and is super focused on my girlfriend. I did not have a girlfriend when I asked for the divorce. My wife is Catholic and recently filed a counterclaim claiming she wants a divorce on the grounds of adultery. She has now issued a notice that she will take my deposition the day after Christmas. She knows I will be in Vermont at our ski condo because we trade off time there.

Do I have to appear the day of my deposition? Will I be arrested if I don’t show up? What do I need to know about a deposition?

AI cannot tell you all you need to know about a deposition in this column — there is not nearly enough space for that. The highlights of what you need to know are (1) listen very carefully to the question asked and only answer the question being asked — don’t offer lengthy stories with tons of detail. (2) Tell the truth. If you don’t know the answer to a question, say you don’t know — do not guess. If a document would help you remember and you know your wife’s lawyer has the document — explain that if shown the document, you may be able to answer but you cannot do so from memory. (3) Do not try to hide your relationship with your girlfriend. The judge only cares about the relationship if you are spending marital assets buying her gifts, taking her on trips, etc.

I recommend you send an email to your wife’s lawyer politely stating that, as your wife well knows, you will be out of state on the date unilaterally chosen for your deposition. Ask that the deposition be rescheduled to a mutually agreeable date and offer a handful of dates you can make yourself available in January. This is common courtesy and if they chose not to show you any, it will reflect poorly on them not you. You will not be arrested for failing to appear at the deposition.

You are technically still married until the divorce judgment issues — maybe your stipulating to a judgment for adultery will get your wife to sign an agreement and end this nonsense

— in that way she can ask the church for an annulment.