How to stay close when child lives far away

QI am very close to my 11-year-old daughter, but the truth is, she has a more conventional home with her mother and bonus dad. And when he was transferred for business six months ago, I decided not to protest thinking it was really best for her not to be in the middle of a custody battle. Thing is, now that she lives five hours away, I rarely see her. Nothing like the two or three times a week and every other weekend that we used to share.

Now the holidays are coming around and I feel like

I just don’t know her anymore. I miss her terribly and I have no idea what to get her for Christmas. What do I do? What’s good ex-etiquette?

ACo-parents talk to each other. They reach out when they need help. (Good Ex-etiquette rule No. 2, “Ask for help if you need it.”) Just because you moved away doesn’t mean you stop coparenting with your daughter’s mother. So, ask her mom! You can bet she knows and would probably love the help with buying presents.

You’re concerned about staying close. There are quite a few presents that long-distance parents can offer this holiday season that will help promote better communication.

The clearest choice is a cell phone. FaceTime or video chat bring parent and child up-close so that you can do homework together, read a book together, send memes or photographs, or just chat. Most custodial parents will not mind, especially if you pick up the bill.

Always coordinate this type of present with the other parent prior to purchasing it.

I have seen some terrible arguments between coparents over their children’s phones, so make sure you and your co-parent have the same expectations and never, ever ground your child from talking to their other parent. That’s good ex-etiquette.

Dr. Jann Blackstone is the author of “Exetiquette for Parents: Good Behavior After Divorce or Separation,” and the founder of Bonus Families, bonusfamilies.com./Tribune News Service