CARRNAC THE MAGNIFICENT PREDICTS THE YEAR TO COME
Comes the New Year, and time for the predictions for 2024 from Carrnac the Magnificent.
The envelopes, please. Karen Read — not guilty.
But no federal indictments on any of the ongoing nonsense in the Town of Canton.
And no big-bucks Netflix deals either — it’s gotten way too messy, and everyone involved is still alive and lawyered-up (except for John O’Keefe).
Everything bad that happens in 2024 will be blamed on Donald J. Trump.
Everything good that happens will be credited to Joe Biden.
Despite initial headlines, no local politicians will be named as johns of the $600-an-hour brothels in Watertown and Cambridge because… Democrats.
Monthly state tax revenues will continue to crater, and by April the first bill will be filed in legislature to reduce the “threshold” for imposing the so-called millionaires’ tax to $500,000.
In August, an amendment will be attached to that bill to just declare every taxpayer in Massachusetts a “millionaire,” at least for income-tax purposes.
Repeat after Carrnac: “It’s for the children.”
Genocidal Hamas terror boss Yahya Sinwar will not make it to Ramadan.
All rainbow flags in Harvard Square will be lowered to halfstaff.
Serial plagiarist Claudine Gay, who is not gay, will be replaced as president of Hamas, er Harvard University, by someone who is. Gay, that is.
Another Boston city councilor will be fined by the State Ethics Commission, and the howls of “racism!” will be once again be heard in the community.
In the elections for GOP state committee on Super Tuesday, the remnants of lunatic loser Jim Jones Lyons’ Kool Aid Kult will be decimated, reduced to fewer than 20 crackpots on the 80-member group.
Carrnac’s crystal ball cloudy on subject of Oscar winners, but not cloudy on the number of people who still care about Academy Awards — nobody.
Plus-sized indicted race hustler Monica Cannon-Grant will change lawyers at least twice more in 2024, in order to keep delaying her trial, and inevitable incarceration, until 2026 at the earliest.
Hunter Biden will not be pardoned — at least not until the day before Dementia Joe is finally removed from office in January 2025.
Turtleboy continues to learn the hard way the truth of one of Carrnac’s favorite old sayings: “In the halls of justice, the only justice is in the halls.”
Rachael Rollins will wisely continue to be MIA.
Ditto her co-conspirator Ricky Ricardo Arroyo — Ricky, we hardly knew ye.
The identity of the 16th mysterious guest at Mayor Wu’s apartheid party for “Electeds of Color” — the “random dude in a white Michael Jackson hat” — will be revealed as the wife of state Rep. Chris Worrell.
Whatever position he plays, whoever the Pats take in the first round of NFL draft will be hailed by the slobbering Boston sports media as the second coming of Tom Brady.
Immediately following the N.H. presidential primary Jan. 23, Red Arrow Diner in Manchester announces layoffs on its Big Breakfast crew, as loser Chris Christie tries to wedge himself out of his reserved extra-wide booth for the final time.
That same day, after Donald Trump has crushed Nikki Haley in the primary, all Fox News’ RINO anchors will be required to wear black armbands.
Sackcloth and ashes optional, but recommended, lest the Fox anchors be cast out into the darkness, a la Tucker Carlson.
Rep. Dean Phillips easily wins the N.H. Democrat primary over Biden, who gets fewer than 1,000 write-in votes, and staterun media reacts as one:
“Nothing to see here folks, move along!”
Ibram X. Kendi will not change his name back to Henry Rogers.
The number of pampered foreign Muslim students who’ve been blocking traffic and assaulting Jews who actually return to the Mideast to take up arms against “the occupiers” will be the same in 2024 as it was this year: Exactly zero.
Carrnac studies envelope and announces answer: Dover, Sherborn, Nantucket, Newton, Martha’s Vineyard, Wellesley, Weston, Wellfleet, Provincetown, Hamilton, Wenham, Chatham, Harwich, Carlyle, Longmeadow, North Andover, Marblehead and Swampscott.
The question: Name a few of the la-de-da Massachusetts communities that didn’t open flophouses for illegal aliens in 2023, and are planning to do the same in 2024.
To quote another of Carrnac’s favorite sayings: “Money doesn’t talk, it screams.”
Geoff “DoorDash” Diehl, perennial GOP also-ran, will not run for state Senate in 2024 against the drunkard who already crushed him once, in 2015, back when DoorDash was a serious candidate, which he obviously no longer is.
Auditor Diana DiZoglio will win her referendum question to be allowed to audit the corrupt legislature’s books.
But again, just like with the mandated tax cut of 2000 and earlier ballot questions, the legislature will flat-out refuse to comply with the will of the people.
About which, Carrnac now pull a Claudine Gay and steal quote from some French guy named Alphonse Karr:
“The more things change, the more they stay the same.”
Lt. Gov. Kim Driscoll will again beg woke suburban Democrats to accept some illegal alien freeloaders into the empty wings of their $5-million mansions, to show their commitment to the fundamental transformation of America into a Third World hellhole.
Driscoll’s plea to the trustfunded blow-ins to provide shelter for the “migrant families” will be answered by the exact same number of them who opened their doors as a response to her entreaties in 2023. Zero.
In November, Donald J. Trump will be elected president. Looting and riots will begin in three… two… one.
Just as they did after a Republican victory in 1860, Democrats will demand “nullification” and then open fire.
And every anchor on staterun media will repeat as one: “We have to destroy democracy to save democracy.” Because… Democrats.
The last American finally leaves Boston… and forgets to turn off the lights.
Remember, it is written in the stars.