Fed up with being used by ‘friend’

DEAR ABBY >> I have a friend who complains over and over about the same issue. I’ve given her advice and even helped her with contacts to enable her to move so that she’s out of her abusive relationship. She always responds, “Yes, I need to do something,” but never does. She continues to allow her parttime spouse to return to her home and resume his abusive, drunken behavior. I’ve reached the point where I can’t continue to help or offer potential solutions because she won’t do anything to improve her situation. She reaches out to me only to complain about her situation.

Our friendship is very much a onesided thing. That she has never just called me to say hello and inquire how I’m doing is disheartening. What else can I do? I can lead her to water, but I can’t make her drink it! I’m so sad that she doesn’t see her own value and what she’s deserving of.

— It’s Insanity in Nevada

DEAR INSANITY >> Wake up to the fact that this woman is using you to vent, nothing more. She’s not interested in your advice. She doesn’t recognize her own value because it was either eroded when she was growing up or by the drunk abuser she married. You could boost her ego to the top of Mount Everest but it wouldn’t last because she has no core of self-respect.

You recognize this friendship is not reciprocal. Unless it brings you some sort of psychic gratification, ask yourself why you are spending so much time nurturing it. Compile a list of resources she can use if her situation becomes dangerous but, beyond that, waste no more time trying to “fix” her.