Hold the Line
ENOUGH ALREADY WITH CELLPHONES — AND ALL THE ENDLESS APPS.
I have supported my great-nieces and nephews financially and emotionally, particularly since they started college. I am available by text, email, and Messenger, which they won’t use. It seems that every other week a niece or nephew is refusing to communicate except through some new app. I’m not stupid, I could download the app — but enough is enough. I get 200-plus communications per day. I have no interest in expanding the ways to reach me. Should I give up? When they want something (my parking space, cash), they can text just fine.
Anonymous / Boston
Isn’t it rude when you are out with friends and they play on their phones instead of conversing? (Also, thanks for talking about frustrations with apps. I am old and thought I was the only one to get so frustrated. Why must we have these things?)
N.T. / Wakefield
Let’s all treat ourselves to a primal scream about technology, shall we?
I had to put off finishing this column after I started it, because changing my email password on my laptop made me unable to access it on my phone, and fixing that little problem took an entire afternoon. I have four different messaging apps, and ought to have five but I didn’t download the fifth one when I got a new phone a couple of months ago, and now I’m honestly afraid to open it and find a buried host of messages as ancient and accusatory as the bones of Poe’s Fortunato.
In short, I get it. Nobody likes the current state of affairs, but here we are, due to all kinds of macro-factors beyond any individual’s control.
Which means that sometimes things will be annoying that aren’t anyone’s fault, and it’s helpful to recognize when you’re frustrated with the circumstances versus another person’s actual behavior. It’s not wrong of my friend to only have Zelle if I only have Venmo, inconvenient though that may be. But if she used this to get out of paying me back, we would have a problem — which seems to be where you are, Anonymous. It’s not the apps per se that are the problem, it’s that your niblings are using them as an obstacle course, and you’d be well within your rights to pull back. (That said, do some thinking about the relationships: You say you provide emotional support, but also that they don’t talk to you. It can’t really be both.)
N.T., your friends are being rude, but sitting there knowing they’re rude gets you nowhere. Acknowledge that phones can be a bit addictive, and make an agreement not to use them when you’re together. And don’t feel self-conscious about your age! Everyone only knows a slice of what’s going on anymore, and younger people have their areas of ignorance when it comes to being tech-savvy, too, having grown up with user-friendly interfaces.