Lost Count
A STRUGGLE TO GET EVENT RSVPS. AND, THE BABY SHOWER BOOK TREND.
I organize a monthly lunch for 20 or so friends. We are all in our 70s. I request an RSVP to determine the head count for the restaurant. Some people never respond, even when I send reminders, though they’ve attended in the past. Why is it so difficult to send a simple response? My impulse is to confront what I consider rude behavior and/or delete them from future invitations. However, this seems contrary to the goal of comity inherent in our monthly gatherings. Frustrated, I seek your advice.
M.C. / Newton
It just is that difficult to send a simple response sometimes, whether it seems like it should be or not, and unfortunately, the RSVP situation is unlikely to improve. Your friends aren’t trying to make life harder for you; life has gotten harder for them along with everyone else. Communications fall between the cracks, last-minute contingencies arise, and people who plan events — from international conferences to neighborhood book clubs — need to factor that annoying reality into those plans.
I applaud what you’re doing in getting your group together regularly! We need people like you who do things like that, so very much. But you need to simplify the monthly plans so that a precise head count isn’t as necessary. Instead of lunch, what about a morning or afternoon coffee shop get-together?
You could even do it semimonthly. Or you could gather in a food court, or outdoors as the weather gets nicer, or have potluck or takeout dinners at someone’s home. Your friends want to be together; the venue itself isn’t that important. I’m sure they’d be more than willing to help you brainstorm a better, easier way.
I have been invited to several baby showers that ask guests to bring books instead of cards. I am on a pretty tight budget and would rather get them something significant from their registries than spend on books (which all seem to be $10-$15). Usually, I make my own cards. I could deduct the cost of the book from my gift budget, but I’m afraid my gift will look skimpy. Or, should I go without the book, and spend the full amount I intended on the gift?
Anonymous / Boston
But you make your own cards! That changes everything. The parents who request books aren’t trying to sneak in another gift grab. People who dislike cards generally see them as impersonal and wasteful and yours are the very opposite of that. I think it’s fine to continue as you have been. If you do want to give a book, used ones in good condition — e.g., not chewed — are fine for the “substitute card” purpose. (And secondhand children’s books not in good condition might be entertaining collage material for your cards — I do multimedia art and trawl Little Free Libraries for such treasures all the time.)