Never see R-rated films with Mom . . . and other life lessons I learned movie-watching with my mother
Six unlikely picks for Mother’s Day
‘You can look away if it’s too scary.” my mother said that to me, when i was 5, while we were watching a particularly intense ABC movie of the Week on the black-andwhite television set she bought from the now-defunct department store Two guys. i’ll tell you what we were watching — and whether i took her advice — in a minute.
For mother’s day, i decided to call upon my memories of watching movies with my mom, either on TV or in the cinema, because without her, i wouldn’t be here. And by “here,” i mean this newspaper.
Like my nose and my blunt disposition, i inherited my love of movies from mom. she occasionally let me stay up to watch TV with her, back when i was an only child. she also took me to those disney double features that were popular in the 1970s. granted, i saw more movies in theaters with my cousins, aunties, siblings, and my pops. But my initial education about films and the actors who made them came from my mother.
Because of her, i know Jimmy cagney, Bette davis, Barbara stanwyck. Also because of her, i know why Veda pierce was a wretched, ungrateful little brat. most importantly, mom introduced me to the siskel & Ebert show, sealing my fate as a kid who wanted to write about movies.
in honor of my mother, who will probably correct me on some of the details, here’s a sampling of the movies i saw with her when i was young. Let’s start with that ABc movie of the Week i referenced above. As a bonus, i added the lesson i learned as a result of each film.
“Trilogy of Terror,” 1975
director dan curtis’s 1975 television movie arrived in the era of big-screen anthology horror flicks like 1972’s “Tales from the crypt” and 1971’s “The house that dripped Blood.” karen Black stars in three vignettes adapted from the short stories of frequent “Twilight Zone” contributor richard matheson (“i Am Legend”).
The first two tales are pretty dull. it’s the third mini-movie, “Amelia,” that earns “Trilogy of Terror” its classic status. matheson did his own adaptation here, pitting Black’s Amelia against the Zuni Fetish doll, a museum artifact carved to look like a racist’s interpretation of an African tribesman with a tiny spear. still, this thing is terrifying. it makes an ungodly, repetitive noise as it relentlessly pursues its prey, subjecting Amelia to an impending death by a thousand cuts.
people my age will testify that this movie messed them up as kids. i concur, though for me it had a more permanent effect: i became a horror-movie addict.
Lesson learned: no matter how nasty it gets on the screen, i will never, ever, ever look away.
“Rosemary’s Baby,” 1968
You’re probably saying, “What the hell was this lady showing her kid?!” The version i saw with mom was on the CBS sunday night movie, so it was edited. i still got the gist of it: rosemary’s baby daddy was the devil.
i now think mia Farrow gave one of the greatest performances in cinema history. my much younger self was far more concerned with what that unseen baby looked like. “he has his father’s eyes,” we’re told. Boy, did i conjure up some terrible images, all of which were proven wrong by the atrocious 1976 TV movie sequel “Look What’s happened to rosemary’s Baby.”
meanwhile, mom seethed at charles grodin, whose character betrays rosemary in a surprising twist. Little did i know just how mad she was at grodin, the actor.
Lesson learned: my mother knows how to hold a grudge. i inherited that from her, too.
“The Goodbye Girl,” 1977
What i didn’t inherit was her love of neil simon. With rare exception, i hate neil simon movies — and she took me to all of them. This film is one of those rare exceptions (“Biloxi Blues” and “sweet charity” are others). The underrated marsha mason stars alongside richard dreyfuss at his most fussy and annoying. he’s a struggling stage actor playing an over-the-top gay version of richard iii. mason’s unemployed dancer shares an apartment with him.
i gravitated toward mason’s daughter, played by Quinn cummings, because i was closer to her character’s age when i saw this in the theater. she may have been the first actor i rooted for to win the Academy Award. she lost hers, but dreyfuss won his.
Lesson learned: Quoting shakespeare is the easiest way to win an Oscar.
“Mildred Pierce,” 1945
“Veda pierce needs her ass beat.” That was mom’s opinion about Ann Blyth’s evil character, the daughter of steely, long-suffering, self-made businesswoman mildred pierce (Oscar-winner Joan crawford, of course). James m. cain’s novel became this excellent michael curtiz noir, ushering in my undying love for my favorite genre. Every time i watch it, mom’s words from our television viewing of the film ring in my head. And i laugh.
Lesson learned: Be nice to Joan crawford. (That classic piece of cinematic trash, “mommie dearest,” ruined this lesson for me in 1981.)
“Purple Rain,” 1984
if hell exists, mine will feature weekly movie trips to watch onscreen nudity and sex scenes while my mother sits next to me. i was 14 and so mortally embarrassed by prince’s raunchy antics that i wanted to crawl under the seat at the state Theatre in my home town of Jersey city.
Lesson learned: never see r-rated movies with my mother. see them with pops instead.
“Midnight Run,” 1988
This movie holds a special place in my heart for being the last one i saw in theaters with my mom when i was still a “kid” (well, i was 18). But i chose “midnight run” for another reason — i was so surprised when mom suggested this film as the family outing, because i knew she hated charles grodin. he plays Jonathan “The duke” mardukas, the target of robert de niro’s bounty hunter.
Lesson learned: Be open-minded about seeing films by actors or directors you don’t normally like. Later, i’d discover she wanted to see “midnight run” because she assumed robert de niro’s character would shoot grodin, a fitting punishment for what he did to rosemary. spoiler alert: no such luck, ma!
i told you she knew how to hold a grudge.