Anthony Burton: Good mental hygiene, part II
In my last column, I talked about mental hygiene, how important it is, and asked you some questions about your mental hygiene practices. Remember, mental hygiene is “the practice of maintaining mental health through proactive behavior and treatment.” An important part of that definition is the word “proactive.”
In that column, I said you should ask yourself some questions, that could help you determine how well you are maintaining good mental hygiene. Here those questions are again, and some suggestions for each one.
♦ Do I let criticism from others take root in my mind, fester there, and destroy my self-confidence? When you are criticized, the first thing you should ask yourself is, “Is this criticism accurate?” If it is, maybe it is time to take a step back and ask yourself if the criticism could be helpful in improving in some way. In this way, treat the criticism as a critique.
A critique provides constructive feedback, that will allow you to improve in some way. So, even if it may hurt, sometimes a critique will allow us to do better in the future. Of course, if the criticism is NOT accurate, your best choice is simply to let it go.
♦ Do I resent the success of others? This can be a really hard thing for those of us who are competitive and driven to succeed, and see others succeeding when perhaps we are not… at least to the degree we wish.
A healthier choice, is to do the best you can to be successful yourself, and honestly congratulate others who are successful. If you watch them, you may even learn something about being successful in your own efforts.
♦ Do I set unrealistic goals for myself, and then beat myself up when I cannot accomplish those goals? Everyone has limitations, no matter who they are. Yes, we need to challenge ourselves, but we also must realize that success comes from making an effort and growing in ability to accomplish the challenge.
Weightlifters don’t go into the gym the first day and press 400 pounds. They work up to it.
♦ Do I allow the “Beautiful People” on social media to become the standard I compare myself to? Social media posts, whether by celebrities, “influencers,” or everyday folks, usually are highlights of their day… not the lowlights. They post about their trip to Aruba, or their beautiful new diamond bracelet, or their latest award … not about getting up feeling nauseated and grumpy, losing their best friend, or losing out to someone else. Remember that.
♦ Do I judge my self-worth by how many “likes” I get on my social media posts? Sure, it feels great to have the approval of others … but that’s not a valid yardstick for your own value and worth. Sometimes, it’s the exact opposite, depending on who “Likes” your post, and what kind of person they are. Do you really WANT the approval of some people?
♦ Do I hold grudges over past hurts? That’s something that really hurts you, rather than the other person. As the Buddha said, “Holding onto anger is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.” I wrote some months ago about the importance of forgiveness, and that has not changed. Some people say, “I’ll never forgive him/her! I can’t!” If that is your mindset, understand that the lack of forgiveness will damage you much more than it will hurt the other person. And if quoting Buddha is not your thing, how about Jesus? “But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
♦ Do I allow technology to build a wall between myself and others, leading to social isolation? This is something that a lot of us do, and usually without intent. If technology (texting, social media, whatever) DISconnects you from family and friends more than connecting you, you’re building barriers. Try connecting on a more personal level: write a letter, phone someone and actually spend some time talking, or if it is safe, visit them in person.
♦ Do I let frustrations about things going wrong, mess up my personal peace? We all do this sometimes, and that’s a fact. A flat tire, being late for an appointment, not getting that promotion … negative things like this can really take a toll, but ONLY if we let them. Sometimes, even if we do everything right and jump through all the right hoops, we don’t get what we think we deserve. And that hurts. But if we allow ourselves to marinate in that soup of disgust and anger, it robs us of our sense of peace.
All of these concerns have an impact on our mental hygiene, and it’s up to you to keep your mind healthy!