‘Their own sense of self’
♦ Parent and teen education on dating violence can be crucial in keeping young people safe.
Around one in 12 high school students across the nation have found themselves on the receiving end of physical or sexual violence from dating partners, according to 2019 numbers from the Centers for Disease Control.
But like other forms of partner violence, teen dating violence often begins with verbal abuse or coercion, and despite its prevalence, it doesn’t get as much focus as issues facing other age demographics, according to an expert associated with Georgia’s second-ever established domestic violence shelter.
“It’s very much an issue that hasn’t really been tackled as much as, I would say, domestic violence for adults has today,” Caroline Groce, prevention and outreach coordinator for Rome-based Hospitality House for Women said.
THE ROLE OF TECHNOLOGY
It’s Groce’s position that advancements in technology have advanced the proliferation of these situations.
“Prevalence-wise, teen dating violence is definitely on the rise, especially with social media and the ways that it’s heightening peer pressure and feelings of fear and shame,” she said. “A lot of times, teens can be pressured into relationships or into things that maybe they wouldn’t want to (d0) otherwise.”
She gave a few examples of how dating violence can stem from verbal manipulation and emotional abuse that involves technology.
“Maybe (a perpetrator is) doing something that makes their partner feel unsafe or manipulated, maybe pressuring them to post a picture or video together, or they are asking for passwords or information for their technology. (It could be) making sure they have access to their phone, to their Amazon account,” she said.
Location tracking can also take an unhealthy turn.
“A lot of people generally like location sharing, but it’s really important that, especially teens, are on the lookout for just sharing their location with anyone and everyone because that is definitely not safe to do,” she said. “That can lead to stalking behaviors in an abusive relationship.”
Dating should be you evaluating the other person and having an under“standing
that this doesn’t have to be a forever thing — that you don’t have to just please the other person.
That’s not the purpose. It’s really important that individuals have their own sense of self and self-worth and
remain true to themselves.”
SIGNS TO WATCH FOR
Signs for parents and peers to watch for in teens experiencing dating violence include lowered academic achievement, changes in attention capacity and isolation.
“Grades are plummeting because maybe their partner is asking them to skip class with them or is calling them for hours and hours, and so they’re not able to study like they should be able to,” Groce said. “Isolation is also a big one. If a teen becomes more isolated and seems to only spend time with that one other person and not with their friends or family anymore, that can be a huge sign … things like depression and substance abuse can be impacts that occur as a coping mechanism for victims.”
ESTABLISHING SAFETY
Groce had some advice for teens who are dating or thinking about relationships.
“I always tell teens that it’s really important that you surround yourself with community or some sort of support system,” she said. “When you’re going out on dates with someone, at least one other person should know where you are so that you are able to stay safe if something were to happen.”
Tech safety is also key, she said, urging teens to keep passwords private and to guard personal information that may be accessible online. And it’s important, she said, to wait to regularly share locations with a dating
partner via mobile device until a teen has a better understanding of the other person’s trustworthiness.
Young people should also know the signs of a potentially abusive situation, she asserted. Smaller “red flags,” she said, include verbal manipulation, accusations of disloyalty or cheating, and a lack of communication,
“Things like just saying unkind words to them initially — all those things can really be indicators that a relationship could become more abusive in the future,” she said.
EVALUATING RELATIONSHIPS
Groce spoke to difficulties in recognizing red flags, especially among a demographic where experience in romantic relationships runs low.
“I always like to talk about when someone goes on a first date, you’re not going to necessarily see any signs of dating violence or abuse on the first date or the second date,” she said. “It’s go
ing to be really sweet and fun and new, but as things progress, it’s really important that, especially teens, but anyone in a dating relationship is on the lookout for signs and symptoms of abuse or unhealthy relationship so that they are able to make choices to leave that relationship or stay safe before it becomes lethal or before it becomes something that is physically abusive … It can be really difficult, too, when you’re falling in love with someone to even have an awareness to be on the lookout for those behaviors.”
Nevertheless, she said, it’s important for teens to take stock objectively of interactions.
“Dating should be you evaluating the other person and having an understanding that this doesn’t have to be a forever thing — that you don’t have to just please the other person. That’s not the purpose. It’s really important that individuals have their own sense of self and self-worth and remain true to themselves.”
- Hospitality House Prevention and Outreach Coordinator Caroline Groce