Living through grief
Secondary loss
The concept of secondary loss refers to the reality of subsequent losses to an original one. For example, after you lose a loved one you might seemingly lose their side of the family, a dynamic with friends, or even your environment/daily routine. It’s important to acknowledge these secondary losses one at a time. It can feel very aggressive all together. While there isn’t anything that can be done about the loss of your loved one, over time you might be able to alleviate some of the stress and impact of these other losses in your life.
Life after caregiving
Caring for a loved one during an illness is a very rewarding yet difficult role. Depending on the health and circumstances of who you are caring for, the caregiving role could be all encompassing. As time progressed, being that person’s caregiver may be how you identify yourself. And though it’s hard to be a caregiver, that’s nothing compared to the emptiness that one feels after the loss. So when a caregiver loses a loved one, it’s important for them and those around them to recognize that it isn’t only a person they are grieving, but also a responsibility and a purpose. Former caregivers should be patient with themselves as they navigate a new day-to-day habit and, in some ways, a new sense of identity and self-worth. Healing your broken heart must come before you can truly recover your energy and desire to find a renewed purpose.
In general:
• Be there for them, regardless of how uncomfortable it feels. • Acknowledge their loss and express your sympathy in a genuine way. • Let them know you don’t understand but that you are sorry for the loss in their life and that you are interested in how they are doing. It’s a simple thing to say and makes a difference to the griever.
• Keep reaching out after time passes. Your loved one or friend definitely
is not okay or over it under any specific timeline.
• Be patient. Everyday is a different experience and many days they don’t feel like themselves so bear with them as they make this journey. Forgive them for not seeming like the same person you know.
• Don’t ever give up on them just because they can’t properly express or explain how they are feeling or what is needed. Be proactive and consistent with your efforts.