Adjusting to friendship changes

Like so many other facets of your life, you may have to face changes in your friendships and relationships as you go through your cancer journey. Some friends might step up and be there for you in unexpected ways while other friends disappoint you by disappearing or not supporting you in the way you need right now.

You are not alone in this challenge. Several articles and blogs about cancer care are devoted to this topic – when friends aren’t there for you in the way you expect. Sometimes your friends are too scared to confront a serious illness, or they are too busy dealing with the stresses of their life. As hard as that loss is, you may develop new friendships or stronger bonds with other people in your life.

If you want additional support, you might want to look into a local support group or a national organization that can connect you with others who understand what you’re going through.

Approaching friendships

In a 2013 article in Today magazine, a breast cancer survivor and licensed clinical social worker offers the following advice about how to approach friendships during this time:

1. You do not have to divulge any information that you would prefer to

keep private. It is fine to say: “I would rather not talk about that.”

2. Think carefully about how and with whom you want to spend your time and energy. Some friends can quietly keep you company during a chemotherapy treatment while others may be better suited to bringing you a coffee and a croissant every Tuesday morning. Someone else may be your go-to friend for a night at the movies when you want to have fun.

3. Pay attention to your friends’ behaviors and words. They may want to hear about your treatments but not be comfortable listening to your intense feelings. You need different people for different conversations.

4. Be open to new friends. No one “gets it” quite like another cancer patient. Talk to people in the waiting room or the infusion area. Consider joining a support group. Keep in mind: Your cancer buddies may become some of your dearest friends.