Hus­band be­ing con­soled for ex-girl­friend’s death

Centre Daily Times (Sunday) - - Advice - BY JEANNE PHILLIPS

DEAR ABBY: My hus­band of 20 years, “Jerry,” re­cently learned about an old girl­friend’s death. A Facebook friend in­formed him about it.

He is now re­ceiv­ing con­do­lences from friends that he is re­spond­ing to as though he were griev­ing. Abby, the old girl­friend and my hus­band split up on very bad terms. She not only cheated on him but gave him an STD. I am ap­palled and feel hurt.

Is it nor­mal to send con­do­lences to old flames?

– Deathly Con­fused In Texas

DEAR DEATHLY: It’s nor­mal to in­form oth­ers about a death, but con­sid­er­ing the cir­cum­stances of the breakup, what’s go­ing on isn’t “nor­mal.”

While it isn’t un­usual for old friends to reach out to each other af­ter news of a death, to con­vey it in the form of a con­do­lence to an ex-boyfriend strikes me as odd. My ad­vice is to re- main calm and wait for the emo­tions to sub­side with time.

DEAR ABBY: My daugh­ter’s mother-in-law has de­clared that this is “her” year for Thanks­giv­ing, and next year is “her” year for Christ­mas. She has three mar­ried sons with chil­dren.

Don’t you think the sons and their wives should de­cide for them­selves if they want to travel for the hol­i­days? Also, what about her daugh­ters-in-law’s par­ents?

My phi­los­o­phy is to plan my hol­i­days and in­vite my chil­dren. If they can come, great! If not, there are no hard feel­ings. If all of my chil­dren and grand­chil­dren can’t be here at the same time, I fo­cus on the ones who are and en­joy the time I have with them. I think the woman is be­ing dis­re­spect­ful to her sons and daugh­ters-in-law. What say you?

– Fo­cus On A Good Time

DEAR FO­CUS: Not all moth­ers-in-law are alike. Some are iron-fisted ma­tri­archs who de­mand obe­di­ence from their grown chil­dren. Oth­ers, like you, are more easy­go­ing. In my opin­ion, the woman you have de­scribed is over­bear­ing.

Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abigail Van Buren, aka Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact her at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069.

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