Best friend doesn’t share woman’s desire for in­ti­macy

Centre Daily Times - - Advice - BY JEANNE PHILLIPS

DEAR ABBY: I have been best friends with “Mickey” for about five years. We spend ev­ery day to­gether and go out to din­ner/ movies/events, etc. He sleeps over at my house, and I cook for him al­most ev­ery night.

When our friend­ship started we were in­ti­mate a cou­ple of times but have been strictly pla­tonic ever since. The prob­lem is, I’m in love with him. He knows how I feel, and al­though he claims he doesn’t love me, he con­tin­ues to spend ev­ery wak­ing mo­ment with me and is al­ways try­ing to bet­ter me. We do pretty much ev­ery­thing a cou­ple would do, mi­nus the phys­i­cal con­tact. Ev­ery­body as­sumes we’re a cou­ple.

I think I should also men­tion that Mickey is some­what of a sex ad­dict. It makes me self-con­scious that he’s con­stantly think­ing about sex but isn’t turned on by me even when we sleep in the same bed.

I don’t want to lose him. I value the bond we share and what we have to­gether, but I’m con­stantly think­ing about how much I love him and want to be with him. I even started work­ing out at the gym, think­ing maybe my re­cent weight gain was the prob­lem.

I know he “loves” me, but he isn’t at­tracted to me. I’m afraid if one of us starts dat­ing some­one else, our friend­ship will take a hit. Please give me some ad­vice.

– Girl In Love In Con­necti­cut

DEAR GIRL IN LOVE: As long as you have Mickey as your ma­jor pre­oc­cu­pa­tion, you will not start dat­ing any­one else. You need to stop think­ing that his lack of desire for you is your fault, be­cause it isn’t. Al­though it will be painful to call a halt to what’s go­ing on so you can meet some­one who CAN give you what you need, that’s what you should do. The re­la­tion­ship you’re in is masochis­tic. You are be­ing used, and it’s not fair to you.

DEAR ABBY: A few years back, my 60-some­thing-year-old sin­gle sis­ter re­lo­cated from a dif­fer­ent state to a mile from my home. Since then, MY hus­band has be­come HER hus­band. If some­thing breaks, leaks or needs re­pair, she calls us. I “get” to han­dle the easy stuff, and hubby does the heavy-duty stuff.

I gave her our rid­ing lawn mower and bought a newer model for us. There was noth­ing wrong with the mower we gave her, but she called us, cry­ing, that it wouldn’t start. Hubby spent sev­eral hours of his one day off try­ing to get it run­ning, to no avail.

He told her she needed to call a re­pair per­son. In­stead, she bought a spark plug and a fuel fil­ter and started view­ing on­line do-it-your­self videos so she could han­dle it. She said she “hopes” she can fix it so “he won’t have to come and try to fix it again.” I’m ready to ex­plode! I feel like we’re be­ing taken ad­van­tage of. Help!

– Sick Of Sis In The South

DEAR SICK: Be­cause you feel you and your hus­band are be­ing taken ad­van­tage of, the next time your sis­ter asks for your hus­band’s handy­man ser­vices, ex­plain that his time off is lim­ited and “sug­gest” AGAIN that she call a pro­fes­sional. If you wish to be more help­ful, be­cause she’s rel­a­tively new to the area, ask some of your friends if they know some­one who is de­pend­able and com­pe­tent.

Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069.

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