Late Night Laughs

FROM THE WINTER WHITE HOUSE

This weekend at his Mara- Lago resort in Florida, President Trump apparently discussed sensitive information about a North Korean missile launch in front of waiters and other guests. The guests said they won’t share what they overheard, while the waiter said [speaks in Russian accent], “No promises.” — Jimmy Fallon

This is the president’s second weekend in a row at Mar-a- Lago, the resort he owns in Palm Beach, where he played golf and dined with the prime minister of Japan, Shinzo Abe. So on Saturday night they got the news that North Korea test- launched an intermediate- range missile. They decided to work that out over dinner, at a table in the middle of the Mar-a- Lago dining room surrounded by members of this club. Instead of getting up and going somewhere private they continued to eat while advisers rushed back and forth to the table handing them documents alongside the busboys handing them food. They used the flashlights on their cellphones to read these documents, like old men trying to see a menu. And in the end, they decided to impose more sanctions and also to split a tiramisu. — Jimmy Kimmel ›

This week Donald Trump took Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe down to Mar-a- Lago. They were eating their dinners when they received news that North Korea had testlaunched a ballistic missile. This is a provocation by a rogue nuclear state, so President Trump immediately retreated to a secure location where he could be briefed on the details. I’m just kidding! — Stephen Colbert ›

Other diners even posted Facebook photos of Trump and Abe looking at what one imagines are classified documents by the light of someone’s cellphone flash light. But I’m sure those documents are secure unless that cellphone flash light also somehow has a camera attached to it. — Stephen Colbert ›

Another guy posted Facebook photos of himself with the guy who carries around the nuclear launch codes, identifying the staffer by name. “This is Rick. Rick is the man.” Or more accurately, Rick WAS the man, until his identity was compromised next to the carving station. — Stephen Colbert www.newsmax.com