Current events

› I saw that “Jeopardy” host Alex Trebek grew a beard. When his wife saw it, she said, “What is … that on your face?” — Jimmy Fallon

› After losing all 16 of their games last season, the Cleveland Browns’ first game of the year ended in a tie. Yep, the Cleveland Browns: Even when they don’t lose, they don’t win. — Jimmy Fallon

› A man in New York yesterday bought a $10 million winning lottery ticket while at a convenience store to buy treats for his dog. Which came as a major disappointment to his dog. “You didn’t get the treats?” — Seth Meyers

› A man in Florida has been arrested for stealing over $5 million from his job at a local credit union to produce movies. He apparently got caught after the release of his new documentary, “How I Stole $5 Million From My Local Credit Union.” — Seth Meyers

› According to a recent report, NASA is looking into selling naming rights to their spacecraft. Not only will it affect the rockets, imagine the countdown. “18, 17, 16, 15 minutes could save you 15 percent or more on your car insurance, 14.” — James Corden

› NASA’s administrator has directed the space agency to look at boosting its brand by selling naming rights to rockets and spacecraft. Look, I love space travel. I get that NASA needs cash, but I think corporate sponsorship might have changed the moon landing. [Video of moon landing with voice-over] “That’s one small step for man, one comfortable leap thanks to Dr. Scholl’s Insoles. Houston, I’m gellin’.” — Stephen Colbert

› An Oregon romance novelist who published an essay titled “How to Murder Your Husband” was arrested yesterday, for the alleged murder of her husband. But her lawyer is more concerned about her other essay, “How to Poison Your Lawyer.” — Seth Meyers

› There’s a new documentary about dating apps called “Swiped.” Did you guys hear about this? People thought the preview looked good, but when they showed up, it looked like a completely different movie. — Jimmy Fallon

› Fashion Week wrapped up today here in New York City. It’s very cool, actually. Everything on the runway will be in stores by 2019 and on the floor at T.J. Maxx by 2030. — Jimmy Fallon