Laugh Lines

Oddball tunes

We’ll head toward Christmas with the lyrics to a novelty holiday song each week, so you’ll be ready to sing along when you hear it on the radio.

Today’s installment: “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas,” written by John Rox and first released by Gayla Peevey in 1953, when she was 10 years old. Artists including the Jonas Brothers, Gretchen Wilson, LeAnn Rimes and Kacey Musgraves have released covers of the song.

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas

Only a hippopotamus will do

Don’t want a doll, no dinky Tinker Toy

I want a hippopotamus to play with and enjoy.

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas

I don’t think Santa Claus will mind, do you?

He won’t have to use a dirty chimney flue

Just bring him through the front door

That’s the easy thing to do.

I can see me now on Christmas morning

Creeping down the stairs

Oh what joy, what surprise

When I open up my eyes To see a hippo hero standing there.

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas

Only a hippopotamus will do

No crocodiles, no rhinosauruses

I only likes hippopotamuses

And hippopotamuses like me, too.

Mom says a hippo, would eat me up but then

Teacher says a hippo is a vegetarian.

There’s lots of room for him in our two-car garage

I’d feed him there and wash him there and give him his massage. When I open up my eyes To see a hippo hero standing there.

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas

Only a hippopotamus will do

No crocodiles, or rhinosauruses

I only likes hippopotamuses

And hippopotamuses like me, too

Source: LyricFind

Toy time

I can see me now on Christmas morning

Creeping down the stairs.

Oh what joy, what surprise

› What do you call a locomotive that eats toffee? A chew, chew train.

› How do you get a Pikachu onto a bus? You poke ‘em on!

› Where did Spider-Man get his powers from? The world wide web.

› What did one Lego mini figure say to the other? You’re such a blockhead.

› What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back? A stick.

Elfin magic

› What do Santa’s little helpers learn at preschool? The elf-abet.

› What happens to elves when they’re naughty? Santa gives them the sack.

› What kind of music do elves listen to? Wrap.

› What do you call a greedy elf? Elfish.

› What type of cars do elves drive? Toy-otas.

Tree treats

› What month do Christmas trees hate most? Sep-timber!

› Why are Christmas trees more noticeable on Christmas? Because they have more presence.

› Why do Christmas trees make good pets?

Because they have a great bark, but wooden bite.

› What did the Christmas tree do after its bank closed? Started its own branch.

› How do you turn a Christmas tree into a reindeer? Put hornaments on it.

› Why did the Christmas tree go to decorating school? So it could spruce up the forest.

› What do they sing at a Christmas tree’s retirement party? Fir he’s a jolly good fellow …

› What do Christmas trees wear at the pool?

Swim trunks

Lisa Denton