Resolve to do just one thing in 2016
It doesn’t require extensive research to know that many dads are lousy listeners. In fact, living with Dad is probably the only evidence one needs to prove that his mind and body often do not reside at the same address.
But cut him some slack. After all, he has the weight of the world on his mind. Breakfast. The weekend. Ball scores. Lunch. Drill bits. Tires. The remote. Dinner. We’re busy with … stuff Is it any wonder that sometimes Dad doesn’t pick up on an important point directed his way about the tag still hanging from the back of his new trousers or the black smoke coming from the garage? We dads are busy. Our minds race from one thing to another — remembering whatever it was that Mom told us to pick up at the store after work to which of the guys is springing for the platter of “nuclear” buffalo wings and onion rings on Saturday. Talk about stress.
When Mom says to her children, “Don’t bother your father, he’s busy,” what she really wants to say is, “Don’t bother to tell Dad, he won’t hear you.”
Dear dads, where did we ever get the idea that we get smarter by talking — or that anyone within hearing distance of us is transformed intellectually by all that pours out of our mouth? Wisdom and knowledge come from listening, from picking up on all the nuances of what is being said and what is not being said.
Good listening requires concentration. It demands that we push aside the ball scores and drill bits and tires and focus on what is being shared with us.
We make New Year’s resolutions because we fool ourselves into starting over and making new promises. This time we mean it! I will lose weight. I will stop smoking. I will spend less and save more. I will work harder. I will be a better person.
We’d like to offer a real keeper resolution for dads. This is not original or profound. It is a promise we dads make daily to our wives, kids, work associates, even ourselves. It is also a promise most of us break daily.
In 2016, we challenge all dads to be better listeners.
If you’re a typical “man with the answers,” then rather than listening to what’s being said to you, you’re mentally gathering your verbal ammo and getting ready to return fire. Dad, that’s the bad habit you need to break.
We’re issuing your toughest challenge for 2016. Clear the clutter from your mind and really listen to your teenager. Take control of your ego and don’t insist on having the loudest or last word — or fixing something. Cherish the fact that your kid is speaking to you. Listen. Get to know him or her better. What an incredible new start. Tom Tozer and Bill Black are authors of “Dads2Dads: Tools for Raising Teenagers.” Like them on Facebook and follow them on Twitter at Dads2Dadsllc. They are available for workshops. Contact them at tomandbill@Dads2Dadsllc.com.