Best friend wants more
DEAR ABBY: “Roger” and I have been seeing each other for two years. (We are both 50.) We go to movies, ride our bikes together, work out at the gym and attend other events. People we see think we’re married or seriously dating and have asked about it. He tells them we just “hang out” and that he’s just a friend.
Roger says he’s seeing only me, but he’s on a dating website every night instant messaging younger women and talking to them for hours.
My friend says Roger is a good companion and I should stay with it. I think I deserve a fuller relationship. Abby, what do you think? — HANGING UP ON HANGING OUT
DEAR HANGING UP: Roger has made it no secret that he’s comfortable with the relationship as it is and doesn’t intend for it to progress. It appears the two of you are best friends. ( Nowhere did you mention that you are in love with him.)
I do think that after all this time you should ask him why the relationship hasn’t become sexual. The answer may be that Roger is impotent, asexual or he’s just not interested in you
that way. If that’s OK with you, then continue what appears to be a pleasant relationship. However, if you need more — and I think you do — then it’s time for you to move on.
DEAR ABBY: My mother won’t stop nagging me about marriage. She insists that I “must” be married by the age of 22 and have kids by 25, which I think is inconceivable. Abby, I’m only 17. Marriage and boys are the last things on my mind.
I have told her that her “talks” make me uncomfortable and I don’t plan on getting married anytime soon (if ever), but she won’t let up.
How can I ge t through to her? — VIRGIN TERRITORY
DEAR VIRGIN TERRITORY: Was your mother raised in a culture in which early marriage and motherhood are expected?
With her mindset, I don’t think you will “win” this argument with her. Be patient. When she raises the subject, point out women of your generation are expected to complete their education and be able to support themselves financially before they marry in case the need arises later (i.e. divorce or widowhood). Women in the United States — particularly college-educated women — are now marrying and having children later than they did a generation ago.