An estranged sibling in life remains estranged in death
DEAR ABBY: I’ve been estranged from my three siblings, their spouses and their families for 35 years — my choice. There has been no correspondence, and I have seen them only at our parents’ funerals.
Since we are all in our 80s, I anticipate there will be funerals for us in the next decade. If I go first, there is no problem. However, I’m considering not attending their funerals or those of their spouses. My grown children say I must attend because I’m their brother. I’m concerned that I might be a distraction or there could be a confrontation. Besides, I still remember what caused my estrangement and I just don’t want to see them. I know I’m stubborn, but am I wrong? — TO GO OR NOT TO GO
DEAR GO OR NO: I disagree with your children. People attend funerals to pay their respects to the deceased and/ or comfort the family who has suffered the loss. If, after 35 years, you show up at the funeral, you could, indeed, be a distraction — unless it has been so long that nobody recognizes you.
DEAR ABBY: Is it wrong to have no interest in grandchildren? My
wife is five years older than I am and she’s elated with our new grandchild. I’m only 42 and I feel I’m too young to be a “Gramps.” I prefer to be free from kid activities and enjoy my adult pursuits.
I have raised children for the last 20-plus years and I think it’s my stepdaughter’s turn to be a parent. My wife is all gung ho to watch the grandchild anytime she’s free, but I’m not interested at all.
Am I wrong for wanting my own time and space with my wife? — TOO YOUNG FOR IT IN OKLAHOMA
DEAR TOO YOUNG: No law says you must babysit if you don’t want to. Not everyone enjoys the company of small children. If your wife enjoys doing it, that’s her privilege. However, if the baby- sitting is interfering with your marriage, then you’re complaining to the wrong woman, and the two of you need to work out a compromise on which you can both agree.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www. DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.