Keeping Up With the Candidates

Yesterday, Americans in 13 states voted in Super Tuesday. Making today “My God, what have we done?” Wednesday. — Seth Meyers

Dr. Ben Carson didn’t win any states last night, but don’t tell him. He slept through the whole thing. He released a statement today that he does not see a path forward to the presidency and will skip the debate tomorrow night. Was he at the last one? — Jimmy Kimmel

It was a critical Super Tuesday for the Republican Party. Donald Trump won seven states. Of course, the seven states that Donald Trump won were shock, denial, guilt, anger, bargaining, depression and Alabama. — James Corden

Last night, Marco Rubio won his first state with a victory in the Minnesota primary. It was such a big night, Rubio’s parents let him stay up and watch the returns come in. — Conan O’Brien

Today, Dr. Ben Carson dropped out of the presidential race after a dismal and ineffective campaign. He said, “The good news is, I’m ready to operate on your baby’s brain again!” — Conan O’Brien

Hillary Clinton had a big night, picking up victories in seven states. While speaking in Miami last night Hillary said, “I believe what we need in America today is more love and kindness.” Then she added, “And I will crush anyone who won’t let me do it.” — Jimmy Fallon

Hillary Clinton came up a lot during the debate. At one point, Ted Cruz even asked Trump why he wrote four checks to Hillary for her campaign in 2008. Trump said, “Look, with all the women I have to write checks to every month, it’s easy to get carried away.” — Jimmy Fallon

Marco Rubio called out Donald Trump for his clothing collection that is being made in China. But Trump defended his Chinese workers, saying, “I treat those kids like they’re my own.” — Jimmy Fallon

Mitt Romney this morning made a televised speech in which he went all in after Donald Trump. He called him a phony and a fraud. He said he’s playing the American public for suckers. I haven’t seen Mitt this fired up since that time he dripped mayonnaise on a new pair of chambray Dockers. — Jimmy Kimmel