Laugh Lines
Tweets from the debate
The Twitter-verse was busy during Monday night’s first presidential debate between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump Here are favorites from Pennsylvania lawyer and writer Kyle Sammin from TheFederalist. com, though it’s hard to parse truth from fiction. ›
Katherine Timpf @KatTimpf: That Trump/Hillary greeting just looked like a hello you give someone you just broke up with when you meet up to exchange the stuff #debate ›
Bret Stephens @StephensWSJ: Hillary first salvo: call me grandma. Donald’s first salvo: Blame foreigners. ›
Mickey White @Biased Girl: Trumped Up, Trickle Down? There ya go, it took them six weeks to write that line. #debatenight ›
Proven Content Maker @Bro_Pair: Trump looks like he’s been waiting for a rental car for 2 hours. ›
Megan McArdle @ asymmetricinfo: I do not think that Clinton’s strategy of calling Trump a crazy liar is working as well as it sounded like it would in the strategy meeting ›
Farhead Manjoo @ fmanjoo: Wow. He can’t be quiet. It’s amazing. ›
Noah Rothman @ NoahCRothman: Trump says he’s calling for “major jobs.” Problem solved. ›
Gabriel Malor @ gabrielmalor: Trump on not paying federal income taxes over a few years: “That makes me smart.” ›
Peter Jaworski @petermjaworski: “Release your taxes!” - Clinton. “Release your emails!” - Trump. “Release the Kracken!” - America ›
Mike Duncan @mikeduncan: How will you heal the racial divide in America?” You have 2 minutes. ›
Terry F @daemonic3: Trump: Murders have gone back up. Hillary: No murders are still going down. Trump: Not fatal murders. ›
Matt O’Brien@ObsoleteDogma: “I have a son, he has computers” was part of Trump’s answer about cyber warfare. ›
David French @DavidAFrench: After the first fifteen-twenty minutes, it was like the SS Trump hit the iceberg, then backed up and hit it again just because.
Political palate cleanser
A collection from “Prairie Home Companion,” as compiled at www.publicradio.org.
What’s a good name for a retired artist?
Drew.
A guy walks into a bar and sees an attractive woman sitting alone.
He asks, “Outside? Under? Around? Over?
The woman gives him a cool look and asks, “Are you trying to preposition me?”
A duck walks into a pharmacy and says, “Give me some Chapstick, and put it on my bill.”
“Mom, mom!” “What is it, Timmy?” “Lassie ate all of the cantaloupes in your garden!” “Oh, no! Is she sick?” “No, but she’s a little melancholy.”
This fellow has been shipwrecked alone on a deserted island for decades. Finally rescued by a passing ship, the ship’s captain tells him to get anything he wants to take with him and says he’ll walk with the man, as he wants to see where the man lived alone.
They pass various huts and the man tells the captain that that is where he slept, that where he cooked, that is where he kept his supplies, etc. They finally come to two well-built structures.
“What did you do in that one?” asks the captain.
“Oh, says the man with pride, “That’s the church I built. I lost track of what day was Sunday, but I prayed there once a week.”
“Well, it looks identical to that other building over there,” says the captain. “What’s that other building for?”
“Oh that,” says the man with a sneer, “that’s the church I used to go to.”
My friend can tell what wood a bar top is made of, just by touching it.
He’s what we call counter intuitive.
Laugh Lines is compiled from various sources, including reader submissions and websites. Origins are included when known.