Birthdays are not just another day
On my birthday, I couldn’t help but think, “How did I get this old?” Meanwhile, another part of me asks, “And how did I live this long?”
This year’s celebration was a lovely couple of days. Slept in, didn’t check email (but got some nice texts) and took a long boat ride before a late afternoon luncheon. A quiet evening at home with my lady and some great Asian Fusion delivery and Netflix. I had a nice day, which reminded me that I have a nice life, and I took some time to appreciate it all.
When I was first coming up, I didn’t get many birthday wishes. In fact, the only card I got was from my insurance agent. But you know something? It actually was meaningful to me. At least someone thought of me that year.
Some people are great about remembering to send birthday wishes, but I’m not that organized. I am tempted, however, to start using the calendar app just for birthdays. Then I can make silly emails and send a bottle of Ensure to my peers.
Yes, life is good when you are healthy and have a good support structure, but what about the millions of people who are getting older with no one and nothing? Honestly, it makes me very sad. I can’t heal this problem by myself, and I don’t see this being a GoFundMe campaign. But there are other ways to feel good on your birthday.
Some might say, “It’s just another day.” And I understand the psychology behind it: If you believe it, you have no reason to be sad. But do you believe it? What is your real truth?
“It’s just another day” sounds a little bit like denial to me. I’ve had birthdays like this, and I can tell you from firsthand experience, no affirmation can cut through the loneliness. Sure, any coping mechanism is better than none at all — as long as you are not hurting yourself or anyone else. But you do have a choice.
You can take charge of your own emotional well-being by making some kind of a plan for yourself. Throw your own party. If no one can come over, organize a Skype group chat. These days we have more options than ever before to connect with other people, and even if you think you don’t have any friends, you can start a Facebook page and send birthday wishes to people who have the same birthday as you. You will be surprised at the responses.
Going to a house of worship can also be a comforting activity on this day. Connecting with your spiritual side can give you greater perspective and strengthen you through difficult times, if you are so inclined. Just saying a prayer or meditating can get my head into a better place pretty quickly.
Do your best to appreciate this day of your birth, and even if things are not how you would like them to be just now, stay positive. The only way to make things better is to take steps to improve your situation. Embracing that attitude is a great gift.
Psychotherapist Dr. Barton Goldsmith is the author of “The Happy Couple: How To Make Happiness a Habit One Little Loving Thing at a Time.”