Late Night Laughs

AROUND THE WHITE HOUSE

It was announced today that President Trump is ending the DACA program and may deport immigrants who came to the U.S. decades ago. Many people are outraged, while Melania was like, “Well, rules are rules.” — Jimmy Fallon

The immigrants who have benefited from DACA are called Dreamers. [Attorney General Jeff] Sessions explained that the kids will still be Dreamers but in more of a “Nightmare on Elm Street” sort of way. — James Corden

Today, President Trump announced a new plan to fund the government for the next three months. That’s right, Trump’s going to pay his taxes. — Jimmy Fallon

Today, Dennis Rodman offered to straighten things out between Trump and Kim Jong-Un. People were like, “Can’t believe I’m saying this, but — let’s give it a shot!” — Jimmy Fallon

We have some surprising news out of the White House. Because yesterday, Democrats proposed something to Donald Trump, and — you’re not going to believe this — he actually agreed with them. — James Corden

Trump sided with Democrat leaders on combining disaster relief with an increase in the debt [ceiling] and the government funding measure all into one bill. It’s basically like the “turducken” of national debt. — James Corden

Remember the 2016 campaign? If you really want to go back and relive every excruciating detail, good news — Hillary Clinton has a new book, “What Happened,” which is better than the original title, “Anybody Wanna Buy a Barge Full of Unused Fireworks?” — Stephen Colbert