Late Night Laughs: Around the White House

› According to James Comey’s memos, over dinner President Trump vigorously denied that he spent a night in Moscow during the 2013 Miss Universe pageant. Which is weird because all Comey asked him was, “Can you pass the salt?” — Conan O’Brien

› Sources recently told Axios that during a phone call last year, President Trump asked Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu if he actually cares about peace, followed by, “Yeah, totally, me too. I was just checking.” — Seth Meyers

› When French President Emmanuel Macron greeted President Trump, he kissed Trump on both cheeks. Then out of habit, Michael Cohen showed up and handed Macron $130,000. — Conan O’Brien

› The musical guest at [the state] dinner was provided by the Washington National Opera. When Macron asked Trump if he likes opera, Trump was like, “Not if she runs against me in 2020.” — Jimmy Fallon

› The president had a busy weekend, or rather his thumbs did, because the leader of the free world tweeted 25 times. I never thought I’d say this, but he should golf more. — Stephen Colbert

› At a press conference yesterday, the president said he’s optimistic about his upcoming meeting with North Korean President Kim Jong Un, but added that if the meeting isn’t going well, he’ll just get up and leave. Ah, yes. I remember when President Reagan went to the Berlin Wall, and said defiantly to the Soviet Union, “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall — or, I can just leave, whichever is easier. Whatever you want to do. ” — James Corden

› The president is busy preparing for the possible summit by NOT preparing. According to one source: “He thinks, ‘Just get me in the room with the guy, and I’ll figure it out.’” He’s going to wing it with a nuclear madman. It’s like your surgeon going, “We’re just going to open you up and improvise. Could I have the suggestion of an organ and a sharp object? I heard ‘pancreas’ and ‘broken bottle.’ Let’s go!” — Stephen Colbert

› The Senate today confirmed CIA director Mike Pompeo as secretary of state. Trump says he’s excited and looks forward to working with him for the next week or so. — Seth Meyers ›

President Trump said today that he would rather have an election based on the popular vote, and when Hillary heard that, she laughed so hard her pantsuit changed colors. — Seth Meyers