Kind words to kids confused about gender
Right up front, please allow me to spell out what I already alluded to in the title of this column; there will be nothing unkind in it. Nor will I wade into politics. As a person with both a heart for young people and extensive expertise on youth issues (meaning I have already been through youth; been there, done that, survived it all, got the T-shirt), my only goal in this writing is to help kids who are facing monumental issues.
I know that school-age children are not exactly big readers of the newspaper. But parents and grandparents, you are. So feel free to share this with your kids and grandkids if you believe it will be helpful.
One can no longer go through a single day without being confronted with the concept of transgenderism. It is now the dominant subject of sports, the internet, news, entertainment and even beer cans. And as The New York Times reports, the number of young people who identify as transgender has nearly doubled in recent years, with 1.4 percent of 13to 17-year-olds identifying as such. And while 1.4% may be a small percentage number, it represents a huge actual number of kids. So it most certainly is a subject that needs to be spoken to from maturity and from Scripture. So here goes.
To begin with, you young people who are questioning or confused about gender, please let me give you some amazing news. It comes from Psalm 139:14-16, which says, “I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them.”
This was the psalmist speaking of his body! He was praising God for his members, his body parts, which God preordained for him, going so far as to write them in a book in heaven. You, young man or young lady, are a miracle. Your body is a divine creation.
I know it may not seem like it right now, especially as you are still in the awkward years of development. You may look at yourself in the mirror and be absolutely disgusted. But trust me, God knew what he was doing when he made you. And there is only one you! You are utterly unique, and by the time you are finished growing, you will see the wonder in how God made you.
And that brings me to a second important thing for you to know, namely that you will not always feel like you feel now. All of us adults vividly remember the uncertain days of youth, the swirls of emotions, the powerful desires, the things of which we were absolutely certain. And all of us also shake our heads and laugh now because we grew up and found out that we did not really have a clue when we were kids. We told way too many people, “I love you,” and did not marry any of them. We were all going to be astronauts and aren’t. We had our lives planned out and went completely different ways and are glad about how it all worked out. So, you who are struggling, take a long, deep breath — and relax. It gets better.
The third thing for you to know is that you are not now who you one day will be. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, your brain will not even fully develop until you are in your mid to late 20s! So never, ever make any life-altering decisions about your body in your youth. Since you cannot travel to the future to talk to your 30-year-old self, give your future self the courtesy of allowing him or her to have a say in whether or not you have body parts surgically removed or implanted or undergo lifealtering puberty blockers or hormone therapy. You have time; what you do not have is the ability to undo the total effect of those surgeries or treatments.
Four, I know that identifying as transgender is all the rage right now. People are even making lots of money and becoming very famous for it. But please know that “all the rage” becomes “Uggh! How old-fashioned!” in the blink of an eye. If you want to know how cool “all the rage” stays over the long term, go grab one of your parents’ or grandparents’ high school yearbooks and thumb through it. The difference between their all-the-rage and this all-the-rage, though, is that a beehive hairdo and a disco outfit can be quickly changed, while the effects of trying to alter your gender cannot.
Five, please know that the people that seem to be the most important to you now, your classmates, your online friends, even your teachers, will likely not even be a part of your life 20 years from now. Life moves on, and people scatter. I have not even seen any of my high school classmates for a very long time. I went to college; I started a business; I went back to school again; I went into the ministry; I got married; I had kids; it’s called growing up. And if I had made any drastic choices in my youth, I would absolutely not have my current life or my amazing wife or my awesome kids. Never, ever let peer pressure convince you to make rash choices in your youth.
Six, be assured that God has an amazing plan for your life. He did not make a universe of 2 trillion galaxies and make you a part of it for nothing. There is a you because he wanted there to be a you, and if you are patient enough, you will find out why.