How to know if you are turning into your parents
I watch a lot of football on TV, which means I see a lot of commercials.
Most of them don’t even register. But I have developed a fondness for one particular ad campaign: the Progressive insurance commercials featuring life coach Dr. Rick, who teaches younger adults how to NOT turn into their parents.
Dr. Rick instructs his younger clients on things like how to use social media (don’t post 37 pictures of a dinner party at Pam’s to Facebook) and elevator etiquette (don’t tell strangers on the elevator to “stay in touch”).
I decided to come up with a list of warning signs for millennials and Gen Zers (like my sons) who think they might be turning into their boomer parents. So here goes.
You might be turning into your boomer parents if:
› You want to be buried in white New Balance sneakers in case there’s a walking track in heaven.
› You’d swipe right for Pat Sajak.
› You have an sudden urge to upgrade your gutter guards.
› You have season tickets to church.
› You drive an Oldsmobile Ninety-Eight.
› You keep a bottle of extrastrength Tums in your glove compartment.
› You spend more than three minutes comparing the prices of canned pork and beans.
› You’d rather back your car into a tree than twist your neck to see what’s behind you.
› You are considering converting to gold-plated faucets in your bathroom.
› Spam sounds good for dinner.
› You think Siri is a human telephone operator who works in an office building downtown.
› You feel certain you could win the “showcase showdown” on “The Price Is Right.”
›
When it storms, you let a small dog sleep on your head.
› You wish Cracker Barrel served prune juice.
› You pay for cable
TV with 500 channels, but you only watch Fox News and Countdown to Christmas movies on the Hallmark channel.
› You take POV photos of the ocean framed through your bare feet, and then post them on Facebook — and feel good about it.
› Your idea of a healthy snack is a butter and sugar sandwich.
› You request late checkout at the hospital so you can get a free lunch.
› You secretly like the smell of Bengay.
› You have surgery scars on every extremity and at least two or your torso.
› You find the obits section and Wikipedia oddly similar.
› During COVID-19, you sometimes wore a mask while driving alone in your Oldsmobile Ninety-Eight.
› Your favorite restaurant is the Costco food court.
› You can use “groovy” in a sentence without flinching.
› You know the difference between Pink Floyd and Floyd the barber.
› When in a restaurant, you call a “to-go box” a “doggie bag.”
› You don’t understand why some people’s texts are green while yours are blue.
› To you, “doing shots” means going to CVS for your annual flu and COVID-19 vaccines.