A COGNITIVE TEST TO BE PRESIDENT? TRY THIS ONE.
Over the past several weeks, it has been proposed that the leading candidates for president of the United States be administered cognitive tests to determine their mental acuity. This, generally, is worrying. Under the circumstances, however, it is a good idea. I suggest that each candidate answer the following:
1. What year is it?
2. What country do you live in?
3. Is that country a democracy or a dictatorship?
4. Let’s get that in writing, please.
5. Put the following words in the correct order: respecting an establishment of religion Congress shall make no law.
6. Draw a person.
7. Draw a fertilized egg.
8. Are the two different?
9. Draw a clock.
10. How many minutes from midnight is this clock?
11. Is it good or bad that it is that close to midnight?
12. Who is the president now?
13. Who won the last presidential election?
14. Should these answers be the same?
15. “If Pennsylvania does not pick the winner for president, they are going to change the name of the state.” Does this statement make sense?
16. Here is a picture of Vladimir Putin. Can you see any friends in this picture?
17. If two people were engaged in a contest to win the most of something, and Joe won 306 but Don won only 232, who would have won that contest: Joe or Don?
18. Which of the following is a good place to store classified documents: (a) garage (b) bathroom (c) library (d) none of the above.
19. Here is a picture of the Supreme Court. Circle the people on it who owe you, personally, favors, if the system is functioning as it should.
20. How many terms does the president get to serve?
21. If the blue house is made of bricks, the red house is made of bricks, and the orange house is made of bricks, what should the White House be doing to prevent civilian deaths?
22. Should the president’s children get jobs in the administration?
23. What year is it again?
24. Is this a year when we have a king?
25. Make a perfect phone call.
26. Bend over and pick a classified document up from the floor. Bend over and pick up another classified document. Keep picking them up until you have gathered them all.
27. Where is Kate Middleton? Oh, just figured I’d ask.
28. Do you know how much money you are worth?
29. What number world war comes next?
30. The 14th Amendment! Good or bad?
31. As best as you can recollect, what form of government is the United States?
32. Does the United States have a dictator?
33. What about just for Day
1 of an administration? [If yes, ask questions 33a through 33e. If no, proceed to Question 34.]
33a. Really? Are you serious?
33b. What do you mean “stop asking questions”?
33c. Or else what?
33d. *palely* Yes, understood, would you like to proceed directly to Question 34?
33e. What can an informed citizenry facing two candidates who are both flawed but not at all equivalently dangerous do to stop this?
Draw another clock.