Are soulmates real?
Thanks to a variety of romantic comedies and Disney movies, the majority of Americans still believe in the concept of a soulmate. Recent surveys involving nearly 15,000 adults in the United States reveal that a staggering 60% of respondents believe everyone has a destined partner. While the pursuit of a soulmate is deeply embedded in our modern dating culture, leading relationship experts caution against falling into the trap of what they term the “soulmate model of marriage.”
This model, though rooted in the desire for a special and lifelong connection, presents a flawed idea of what it takes to build and maintain a healthy relationship. If couples are predestined to be together, individuals would have no need to focus on their choices, behaviors and virtues — key elements for a lasting partnership. Similarly, it can lead salvageable relationships to end when individuals assume that the appearance of obstacles means they are not truly soulmates, rather than a need to learn new skills and grow together to overcome these challenges.
The essence of the report, titled “The Soulmate Trap: Why Embracing Agency-Based Love Is the Surest Path To Creating a Flourishing Marriage,” delves into the misconception surrounding soulmate thinking. The study, involving 615 couples in the United States and Canada, challenges the traditional belief that spontaneous love and connection form the bedrock of enduring marriages. Instead, the findings suggest that proactive factors like personal virtues, faith and intentional efforts significantly contribute to a flourishing relationship.
The report proposes a shift away from soulmate thinking and provides five ways to build a healthy relationship from the start:
1. Avoid a consumer approach. Relationships are not commodities; they require investment and commitment.
2. Maintain realistic expectations. Understand that love grows over time through shared experiences and mutual efforts.
3. Develop a mature understanding of love. Recognize that lasting love is built on intentional actions, not just emotions.
4. Follow healthy dating habits. Prioritize shared values, equal partnership and effective communication during the dating phase.
5. Use breakups as a tool for growth. Learn from past experiences without losing hope for future connections.
As the saying goes, “Soulmates are not found; they’re made.” When spouses and couples actively choose each other, prioritize their relationship and live with complete fidelity, they become connected on a “soul” level. Rather than relying on fate to determine destiny, these committed relationships emphasize shared values, equal partnership and personal virtues and faith as the foundation for enduring love.
While the anticipation and search for a soulmate can be alluring, the security, depth and stability of a healthy, focused relationship will go far beyond a “happy ending.”