Women change after childbirth; so should their support system
When my first child was born five years ago, I was so nervous about losing myself. As someone who deeply desires authenticity and values my identity, I had a fear of becoming “someone’s mom.” After he was born, I loved him deeply and felt more attached to him than I could’ve imagined. But I sometimes found myself longing for autonomy. I didn’t regret having a child at all, but I grieved the freedom and spontaneity of my former life.
The same experience occurred when my second child was born last year. Adjusting to the changes that occurred within me and around me after creating and birthing two little beings is still a challenge. My priorities have shifted, my attention and focus are divided tenfold, and my time is not my own. Not to mention, my house is a little messier and my clothes don’t fit quite the same way.
A scroll on social media and a quick survey of fellow mom friends reveals my experience is not isolated. Research shows childbirth permanently changes women physically, mentally and emotionally.
The mental and emotional toll of childbirth cannot be overstated. From the moment a woman learns she is pregnant to the baby’s first cry, she experiences a whirlwind of emotions ranging from joy and anticipation to fear and anxiety. Dr. Alexandra Sacks, a New York-based reproductive psychiatrist, says there’s no “one size fits all” experience when it comes to pregnancy and postpartum emotions.
Childbirth is emotionally complex, and the transition to motherhood is not seamless for many women. Feelings such as sadness, ambivalence, joy and grief are all common and can even be experienced at the same time. Hormones do play a large part in the emotional and mental fluctuations that occur, but the pressure of caring for a child while your body is still healing is a reality only moms can relate to.
Childbirth can also take a significant toll on a woman’s physical well-being. The process of labor and delivery is demanding, requiring immense strength and endurance. Dr. Sarah Buckley, a family physician and author based in New Zealand, highlights the physical intensity of childbirth, describing it as a “powerful, transformative experience” that leaves a lasting imprint on a woman’s body. From the pain of contractions to the strain of pushing, childbirth can lead to a range of physical challenges. Recovery from childbirth can be a slow and arduous process, requiring ample rest, self-care and support from loved ones. It’s crucial to prioritize maternal health and well-being in the postpartum period, allowing women the time and space they need to heal both physically and emotionally.
As we celebrate Mother’s Day, let’s honor the incredible strength, resilience and sacrifice of women who embark on the journey of childbirth. Let us recognize the mental, emotional and physical challenges they face with courage and grace. And let us offer them the support, compassion and understanding they need to navigate the complexities of motherhood.
Here are three evidence-based ways to support moms after childbirth and beyond:
1. Offer practical help.
Research consistently shows that practical support can significantly benefit mothers with young children. This can include tasks such as preparing meals, doing household chores or running errands. By lightening the load of daily responsibilities, family and friends can alleviate stress for mothers, allowing them to focus more on bonding with their children and taking care of their own well-being. Practical assistance can also provide mothers with much-needed time for self-care, which is crucial for maintaining mental and emotional health during the demanding early years of parenting.
2. Provide emotional support and validation. Family and friends can offer emotional support by actively listening to mothers without judgment, providing a safe space for them to express their feelings and concerns. Validating their experiences and empathizing with the ups and downs of parenting can help mothers feel understood and less alone in their journey. Research indicates that feeling supported emotionally can reduce feelings of isolation and improve maternal well-being.
3. Encourage and facilitate social connections. Social support from peers is crucial for maternal mental health and overall well-being. Organizing play dates, mom meet-ups or simply spending quality time together can provide mothers with opportunities to share experiences, seek advice and build friendships with other parents. Research suggests that mothers who have strong social networks tend to have lower levels of stress and higher levels of satisfaction with their parenting role.
To all the mothers: Your journey is seen, valued, and celebrated. Your love, your sacrifice and your unwavering dedication shape the world in profound and meaningful ways.