THE MAGICAL TRANSFORMATION OF A CHILD
“Dad, I don’t think I’m old enough to handle this.”
Those words were hard to hear. They were my daughter’s words of despair when she received the worst news of her life: The baby she was carrying suffered from grave defects. That sweet baby, named Lila, was diagnosed with gastroschisis, a dangerous condition in which her intestines were developing outside her body. She also had only one healthy kidney, and her very small size indicated that she might have a fatal genetic anomaly.
And Camille was indeed young: 21 years old. She married her high school sweetheart while she was in college, and she got pregnant her senior year. All this sounds unusual, but marriage at a relatively young age fit Camille. She was always an old soul, and so was her husband. They were mature beyond their years, but this moment felt different. The news about Lila was terrifying.
I didn’t really know what to say in response. When you get bad news, there are times you don’t need encouragement so much as empathy. All I could think to say was, “No one is old enough for this news. There is no right age for this challenge.” We cried, we prayed, and then we prepared. Our daughter was becoming a mother in the most difficult of circumstances.
And it was one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen.
Her first concrete decision as a mom was to refuse amniocentesis. Although she desperately wanted more information about Lila, the thought of any additional risk to her baby was too much for her to bear. She’d find out Lila’s true condition when she gave birth; then and only then would we know if she’d live.
Camille delivered Lila at Vanderbilt Children’s Hospital in Nashville on Dec. 15, 2020. Pandemic regulations kept us at home. No other family members could be with Camille and Jarrett when Lila was whisked away to surgery.
By God’s grace and through the incredible work of the skilled surgeons at Vanderbilt, Lila survived.
My father has always said that parenthood only gets better with age, and now I know exactly what he means. With each passing year, you know your children better, your relationship evolves, and by the time they’re young adults, you can often learn from them. When Camille became a mother, it unlocked a new dimension to our relationship. I saw her absorb the best of our parenting and forge her own parental identity. She wasn’t too young for her trial. She faced it squarely and courageously, and now beautiful little Lila is healthy and happy and loves her mom very, very much.
She had a second baby, a healthy boy named Ezra. She and her husband were admitted to the University of Chicago Law School, and now they’re building a life in Hyde Park.
All was well. Until it wasn’t again. The cancer diagnosis of my wife, Nancy, put our family back in a state of crisis. Once again, we rallied together. Camille came back home, but she was a different person. She’d been through the fire herself. She had learned to love a person facing ultimate distress, and when she embraced Nancy, she embraced her not just with a daughter’s arms but with a mother’s arms as well.
I know that Mother’s Day was hard for some people. I know that there are millions who experience this day with a sense of aching loss. Many others struggle during a day filled with tributes to other people’s mothers — when their own mothers might have failed them in the worst of ways.
This Mother’s Day was hard for us as well. But I’m still grateful. I’m grateful for my mother, who has loved me sacrificially every day of my life. I’m grateful for my wife, who has loved our three children so very well. And I’m grateful to have watched my oldest daughter become a mother. Watching her journey, I’ve gained even more awareness of that marvelous, almost magical transformation that occurs when you hold your own child.