Catch-22 for inexperienced guys
TALES FROM THE FRONT ‘Nice guy’ wants respect; won’t go for one-night stand
Several weeks ago, I turned the column over to Josh because I thought he had such practical advice for men who didn’t know how to handle themselves around women. The ones who were always being told they were nice guys, but never considered relationship material.
Josh’s advice ranged from doing what it takes to make yourself more physically attractive to “look for women based on their personalities, not their appearance. That way, hopefully you’ll find someone you’re comfortable with.”
Then he had some very specific ways on how to “morph from the nice guy into the relationship guy.”
And finally: “Don’t get discouraged. If it takes 10 bad dates for one great one, then it’s all worth it. Every date will help build your skills.”
Well, here’s Charlie, who says none of that advice could ever work for him:
Josh says you need to meet women to have a chance of having sex with them. It sounds like he’s putting sex ahead of a relationship. His advice sounded like a how-to guide to getting a woman into bed.
Josh suggests flirting. I don’t know what that is or how to do it. Unlike him, I’m not a smooth-talking, charm-thepants-off-of-a-woman type of guy. I can’t make moves just to try to have sex. My feelings come from the heart, not down below.
Josh talks about figuring out if a woman likes you. How do you know if she likes you? How do you know if she would not be offended if you touched her back or shoulder? If I touched her, she’d think I was just trying to get her into bed.
He suggests starting with a hug. How do you know if she even wants a hug? If she doesn’t want a hug and I try to hug her, I might get punched in the face or worse.
It sounds like Josh was a football player in high school or college. His experiences with women are a lot different from that of the average guy. He’s on a different playing field, and can never understand what the rest of us guys go through.
When you’re a younger guy, most women are willing to teach a guy what’s up. When you passed 40, women find a problem with that. There was the movie “The 40-Year Old Virgin.” All the women I’ve talked with said that the movie was funny and enjoyable, but the reality of it was B.S. No woman in her right mind would ever get with a virgin over 40.
I can’t play women just so I can experience sex. I’ve never used, abused or tried to take advantage of a woman — and if that makes me a nice guy, then so be it. Respect comes first. Playing games with someone’s heart is not an option.
I wish there were someone out there who could train me, but I’ve passed the acceptable age for that to happen. Besides, I couldn’t do the one-night-stand thing or anything like that.
Most of us guys need a little help, guidance and understanding. What we don’t need is to be laughed at or yelled at or hated for not knowing what we’re doing.
It’s kind of a Catch-22 thing. You can’t have sex if you haven’t had experience, and you can’t get experience if you haven’t had sex.
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