That’s th­ese Hawks’prob­lem: Where’s tough-guy im­age?

Chicago Sun-Times - - Sports - BY RICK MOR­RIS­SEY

on Satur­day. Some peo­ple un­doubt­edly will be hor­ri­fied at the sight of three pro­fes­sional ath­letes en­joy­ing them­selves in a man­ner that might sug­gest a Mis­con­duct Penalty Ahead.

But this isn’t the Min­nesota Vik­ings’ 2005 Love Boat scan­dal. And th­ese guys didn’t sign up to be monks.

No, the is­sue here is what we want our hockey play­ers to be. And I’m here to tell you that they’re not sup­posed to be imp­ish Justin Tim­ber­lakes or naughty Nick Carters. They’re sup­posed to be tough-looking guys. In the pho­tos, th­ese guys are a cross be­tween the silli­ness of the Bea­tles and the sug­ges­tive­ness of the Spice Girls.

What in the name of Tie Domi is go­ing on here?

Band name open for sug­ges­tions

The three Hawks look al­most air­brushed in the pho­tos, with Kane ap­pear­ing pos­i­tively aglow. That could be his aura talk­ing. Or it could be the girls on ei­ther side of him.

There is Madden in an­other shot, shirt­less and flex­ing his left bi­ceps for the cam­era. The ex­pla­na­tion he’ll have for his wife likely is a work in progress, but for now, we’ll as­sume it will have some­thing to do with what­ever’s in the glass in his right hand.

There’s Ver­steeg in still an­other photo, his shirt and large sun­glasses both on, looking as if he has de­cided that ac­cept­ing an edgier movie role is the right ca­reer move, the Dis­ney folks be damned.

What should we call this boy band? I’m think­ing High­stickz, 32 De­grees, Man Ad­van­tage or Pull My Goalie. I’m also think­ing you prob­a­bly have bet­ter sug­ges­tions.

All of it leaves me with a con­spir­acy-the­ory ques­tion for Hawks mar­ket­ing whiz John


And the limo par­ty­ers are: Pa­trick Kane (top); Kane (sans pants), Kris Ver­steeg and John Madden (top right); Madden (above, left), and Ver­steeg (above).

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