Ground rules
As I enter each new stage of parenthood raising Evan, I find myself falling more and more in love with the person he’s becoming and I cherish his amazing heart and soul with each passing day. However, with each new adolescent milestone he hits, I’m left grasping at straws in the discipline arena. Right when you think you have one technique mastered, it seems your delightful children have outgrown it and you’re left scratching your head in confusion or overreacting in a last-ditch effort to regain control of the situation.
When children are little, we use age-appropriate techniques like timeouts or taking a favorite toy away. It’s our responsibility to educate them on why they are being disciplined — and it works!
But times have changed since then. If I were to put Evan in a timeout for 11 minutes (age appropriate, remember?) and explain why his lack of manners is unacceptable, it wouldn’t work. He knows — and has understood for years — the importance of manners and 11 minutes is no longer an eternity for him.
These days, I find that discipline tends to revolve around things he’s not doing. For instance, before a long flight recently, I reminded Evan countless times to charge his electronics. When we settled onto the plane, all of his devices were dead and he promptly asked if he could use my phone. Obviously, my answer was a resounding no, as it was his responsibility to take care of his devices. Unfortunately, I felt like he and I were both grounded during the six-hour flight because he was restless and agitated the entire time.
I sent an exasperated text to a friend during the flight and she responded back saying, “My mom used to hate grounding me as a teen, because she said she felt as if she was grounded as well.”
So I ask you: How do you discipline your kids and teens without feeling as if you’re being punished alongside your child? Or is this just one of those things we write off as an unglamorous aspect of parenting, and know in our hearts that we’re simply doing what’s best for our kids?