Finding Mr. Right likely to take time

Dear Abby: I am a young woman hoping to find “The One.” But I have come to realize that I’m not the normal female. I don’t get manicures or go shopping. (I hate shopping!) When I meet a guy, he likes that I’m “me,” but if we get serious, then I’m either “too independent,” “too outspoken” or “not girly enough.”

I don’t want to change myself or pretend to be someone I’m not. One minute they like that I’m independent and can fend for myself; the next they don’t like that I don’t depend on them to pay bills, etc.

Why is it always a double standard? Men like strong women until they are with one. Then they can’t handle it. Maybe I’m too much for the men where I live. Is it possible for me to find someone? — Independent Female in Loui

siana

Dear Independent Female: Welcome to the wonderful world of dating. While some may think of dating as a popularity contest, it’s really more like sifting for a gold nugget. It takes a lot of people years to strike gold — and it’s the same with dating. Is it possible to find someone? Absolutely! But it takes time, stamina and a sense of humor to survive the process.

Dear Abby: I had a baby girl a month ago and I live with my inlaws. My husband isn’t here right now because of his job.

They are great and very helpful, but I never have any private time with my daughter. Every time she cries, my sisters-in-law pick her up. When she wants to sleep, they always take her away from me to put her to sleep. Even when I breastfeed, they are always in the room with me.

I can’t seem to tell them no or ask them to get out of the room. I mean, they are very helpful, and

they are leaving in a month for another country, so I understand they want to be with her as much as they can. However, I would still like some time alone with my daughter. Advice?

— New at This in Houston

Dear New at This: As a mother, it’s up to you to assert yourself and do what is right for your baby. Find the courage to tell your inlaws that you are grateful for their assistance but want privacy when you nurse the baby. It is important that your daughter bond with

you, and if your sisters-in-law are always tending to her needs, it may be more difficult for you when they leave. I’m sure your pediatrician would back you up. Men like strong women until they are with one. Then they can’t handle it.

Dear Abby: Would it be OK for an 80-year-old man to take a 50-year-old woman to supper? We often talk together at church.

— Lou in Wisconsin

Dear Lou: Only if she says yes.

Good advice for everyone — teens to seniors — is in “The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It.” To order, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 610540447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)