How to talk to your family about a cancer diagnosis
Learning that you have cancer is a very difficult experience, and after your diagnosis, you may feel anxious, afraid or overwhelmed and wonder how you can cope during the days ahead and share the news with those closest to you. Remember that how to tell others about your cancer diagnosis is a personal choice. There’s no one right time or way to do it. Some prefer to openly share their experience with others. Others decide not to share any information. You should do what’s best for you.
A cancer diagnosis strongly affects family members and friends. Sometimes, the complex feelings and lifestyle changes caused by cancer and its treatment become as overwhelming for others in your life as they are for you. Understanding the potential changes in the way you relate to specific family members and friends may help you take steps to foster healthy, mutually supportive relationships during this challenging time.
It helps to start by making a list of people that you want to talk to in person. Then you can make another list of less close friends that another friend or family member may contact and share the news.
Here are some tips on how to communicate with specific people in your life:
Spouse: Cancer has the greatest effect on marriages and other long-term partnerships. After a diagnosis of cancer, both individuals may experience sadness, anxiety, anger or hopelessness. Reassure them that you will do whatever it takes to fight the cancer and would like their support and encouragement.
Children: When families choose to hide information about cancer, children may still pick up on the tension and stress. As a result, they may suspect something is being hidden from them. Tell your child that he or she can talk to you at any time. Find out what the child is thinking and feeling. Help the child communicate their needs, fears and concerns in a way that is appropriate for his or her age. Let the child know that it’s okay to ask you how you are feeling at any time.
Family: It’s common for people to have many questions about the cancer and how it’s treated. Consider explaining everything in great detail to one or two close family members as it may get tiring to tell a lot of people this much detail over and over again. Let those family members communicate your message to others.
Your friends and family members will likely want to help you, but they might not know what you need or how to ask you. Be direct and explicit about your needs, and try to avoid making assumptions about who will help and who will not.
Friends and coworkers: Try to encourage loved ones to talk to you about how they’re feeling so that you can work through questions together. You can say, “How are you doing? Can you believe this?” This gives your friend or family member permission to talk to you about their feelings.
There are a number of groups and societies that have programs and services to help people with cancer and their loved ones understand the diagnosis, manage their lives through treatment and recovery, and find the emotional support they need. Consider researching one that meets your needs for further assistance during this process.