How to support a friend dealing with a breast cancer diagnosis

First, know you’re not alone if you don’t know what to say to someone who has cancer. It’s a difficult subject, and handling it with ease might not come naturally. Second, know that many studies have found that cancer survivors with strong emotional support tend to better adjust to the changes cancer brings to their lives, have a more positive outlook and often report a better quality of life. You may not know what to do or say immediately, but your support will greatly impact your friend’s journey.

Here are a few do’s and don’ts to consider:

Do respect privacy. If someone tells you that they have cancer, you should never tell anyone else unless they have given you permission

Don’t use comparisons: You know, like: “My husband’s uncle’s neighbor’s cousin had cancer five years ago, and now she runs marathons every month!” Each case has elements that make chemo more or less effective, make surgery more or less imperative and survival more or less probable. Do bring together family, friends and

coworkers to help support and care for your loved one through a caring social network and planner.

Don’t be too positive. While it’s good to be encouraging, it’s also important not to show false optimism or tell the person with cancer to always stay positive. Doing these things might seem to discount their very real fears, concerns or sad feelings.

Do offer to run errands. Helpful tasks may include making meals, cleaning the house, caring for the lawn and garden, babysitting, pet sitting, grocery shopping, picking up prescriptions, and driving family and friends to and from the airport.

Don’t make comments when their appearance isn’t as good as usual, such as “You’re looking pale,” or “You’ve lost weight.” It’s very likely that they’re acutely aware of it, and they may feel embarrassed if people comment on it.

Do visit. Call before you visit, and be understanding if your friend can’t see you at that time.

Don’t offer medical advice or your opinion on things like diet, vitamins, and herbal therapies.

Do remember caregivers. Your friend isn’t the only one who may need help coping with breast cancer; the person (or people) taking care of him/her also need your support. Often caregivers neglect their own needs because they are so busy taking care of their loved one. Helping a caregiver is another way to show you care.

Don’t disappear. The trauma of having cancer doesn’t go away when treatment ends. Even if he/she recovers, your friendship is still crucial.

Whatever you do, don’t let the idea of perfection stop you. It doesn’t take heroic gestures to be a good friend in this situation. Sometimes being there and listening is all that matters.