Chicago Sun-Times

Hoosier women! Send your little visitor to Pence

- NEIL STEINBERG Follow Neil Steinberg on Twitter: @NeilSteinb­erg Email: nsteinberg@suntimes.com

It’s a shame that so much attention is going to North Carolina’s new law cruelly scrapping all of their state’s local local anti-discrimina­tion ordinances and raising the specter of police bursting into bathrooms to check on the birth genders of the people using them.

The latest developmen­t there is that not only are major businesses like the NBA, PayPal and IBM lining up to condemn the law and question whether they want to do business with the state, but now the Obama administra­tion is saying that the Tar Heels bigotry-empowermen­t act could endanger billions of dollars in federal aid, which can be withheld from backwaters that choose to indulge in un-American discrimina­tion.

As satisfying as all that is, it shouldn’t distract us from the aftershock­s rolling across our own little bit of the Southland in the Midwest, Indiana. There Gov. Mike Pence signed a truly medieval law demanding, among other things, that aborted fetuses be given formal funerals or cremations, and if you think Indiana woman just shrugged and sighed and went back to their washboards and their sad irons, well, think again.

Rebellious Indiana women, waking up to this attempt to shove them back into the early 20th century, have created a “Periods for Pence” Facebook page, sharing the governor’s public comment phone number and urging women to keep Pence informed about their men- strual cycle, since he seems so concerned, including some (apparently) real-life exchanges such as:

Me: “Good morning. I just wanted to call and let the good governor know that I am still not pregnant, since he seems to be so worried about women’s reproducti­ve rights.”

Irritated lady on the other end of the phone: “And can I get your name, please?”

Me: “Sure, it’s Not Pregnant Laura.” and Just got through to Governor Pence’s office. (The operator must be on break.)

Me: Hi, is this the operator, or the governor’s office?

Them: Um, this is the office, but I am covering for the operator right now.

Me: “Oh, good. I need to get a message to the governor that I am on day three of my period. My flow seems abnormally heavy, but my cramps are much better to-”

Them: (Seriously pissed and trying to keep their voice down, but not quite succeeding) MA’AM, WHAT IS IT THAT I CAN HELP YOU WITH?

Me: Oh, I don’t need your help, I just wanted to keep Governor Pence informed of my reproducti­ve cycle, since he seems so concerned. Them: “Ugh.” *click* Me: Oh, I don’t need your help, I just wanted to keep Governor Pence informed of my reproducti­ve cycle, since he seems so concerned.

Them: “Ugh.” *click*

Not to tell women what to do — Indiana seems to have a lock on that — but it seems to me that phone calls are a good start, but they are only the beginning. Given that menstruati­on could be construed as the ending of a nascent life, and given the state of Indiana’s obvious legislativ­e interest in what happens to those lives, that the only thing a law-abiding Hoosier woman could do is send her used sanitary products to Gov. Pence’s office for proper burial. I’m sure he would appreciate that. His address is:

Office of the Governor Statehouse Indianapol­is, Indiana 46204-2797

 ?? | THE INDIANAPOL­IS STAR, KELLY WILKINSON/VIA AP ?? Indiana Gov. Mike Pence
| THE INDIANAPOL­IS STAR, KELLY WILKINSON/VIA AP Indiana Gov. Mike Pence
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