Why do I cheat on a hus­band I love so much?


Dear Abby: I have a won­der­ful hus­band of 11 years and three chil­dren. “Carl” is at­ten­tive and car­ing, and he al­ways puts the needs of our fam­ily first. You could say he is ev­ery­one’s dream hus­band.

Long story short, I cheated on him while I was on va­ca­tion. It started as in­no­cent flir­ta­tion, but then it went fur­ther. When “Brad” kissed me, I knew it wasn’t go­ing to stop there.

Af­ter­ward, I not only didn’t feel guilty, I did it again. I have been qui­etly com­mu­ni­cat­ing with Brad and sent him re­veal­ing photos and a graphic video of my­self. He loved it, and we plan to meet again soon.

Please help me un­der­stand why I am cheat­ing on such a won­der­ful hus­band. Shouldn’t I feel guilty? What can I do to stop this be­fore it gets out of con­trol and Carl finds out? I re­ally don’t want to lose him.

Don’t Feel Guilty

Dear Don’t Feel Guilty: I have a flash for you. This fling is al­ready out of con­trol.

While the ex­cite­ment may have gone out of your mar­riage, I guar­an­tee that when Carl gets wind of this — start the count­down now — you’ll have an abun­dance of it.

If you re­ally value your mar­riage, start de­vot­ing as much en­ergy to work­ing on it as you have been di­rect­ing to­ward Brad. And pray that Brad is a good enough sport to delete the in­crim­i­nat­ing photos and video.

Dear Abby: I am in love with a man who is 28 years younger than I am. I’ll call him Al­bert. We want to get mar­ried, but I’m not sure how much the age dif­fer­ence re­ally mat­ters.

We have been see­ing each other for al­most a year, and I know he loves me. We haven’t told any­one ex­cept a few peo­ple. My son, 28, and my daugh­ter, 40, don’t know how se­ri­ous we are. My grand­daugh­ter knows ev­ery­thing.

I know my chil­dren may ob­ject be­cause of the age dif­fer­ence and the fact that Al­bert is from an­other coun­try (in Africa). To me, that doesn’t mat­ter, and it may not to them, but Al­bert is wor­ried that Im­mi­gra­tion may ques­tion us.

We are both pri­vate peo­ple, and we want to be to­gether as hus­band and wife. I can’t give him chil­dren, but there are other ways we can have a child of our own.

I want my kids to be happy for me. I re­ally need to know what you think.

Lost in Love in North Carolina

Dear Lost: That Al­bert is afraid of the ques­tions Im­mi­gra­tion might ask raises a red flag for me. What I think is that if you choose to pro­ceed — as I sus­pect you prob­a­bly will — you should be very cau­tious do­ing so.

Dear Abby: I have a con­cern I sus­pect is shared by oth­ers. Keep­ing a jour­nal has been shown to be of sig­nif­i­cant psy­cho­log­i­cal ben­e­fit, but I do not want my pri­vate


thoughts and con­cerns read by oth­ers after my death.

Is this silly of me? I re­al­ize I’ll be dead and gone, but the pos­si­bil­ity of it hap­pen­ing in­hibits me from record­ing my thoughts and feel­ings. Thanks for any in­sights you and/or your read­ers can of­fer.

Pri­vate in Vir­ginia

Dear Pri­vate: Un­less you have an ex­ecu­tor you can trust to dis­pose of your jour­nals when you are gone, my rec­om­men­da­tion would be to keep your jour­nals on­line, in the cloud, and able to be ac­cessed only by you.

Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069.

For ev­ery­thing you need to know about wed­ding plan­ning, or­der “How to Have a Lovely Wed­ding.” Send your name and mail­ing ad­dress, plus check or money or­der for $7 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Wed­ding Book­let, P.O. Box 447, Mount Mor­ris, IL 61054-0447. (Ship­ping and han­dling are in­cluded in the price.)

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