Sober, he’s happy with me, but drunk, he’s not so sure

Chicago Sun-Times - - ENTERTAINMENT -

Dear Abby: I have been dat­ing the most amaz­ing man for the past 11 months. As we ap­proach the one-year an­niver­sary of the day we met, this “per­fect” man is show­ing some not-so-per­fect traits. I was un­lucky in love for many years un­til he swept me off my feet. We have both be­come ex­tremely close with each other’s re­spec­tive friends and fam­ily.

He’s ev­ery­thing I have been search­ing for in a life part­ner and hus­band. But when he drinks, he con­fides his deep fears of dat­ing me and enu­mer­ates each and ev­ery one of my re­la­tion­ship in­se­cu­ri­ties — nag­ging, anx­i­ety, lone­li­ness, etc.

The next day, he acts like noth­ing hap­pened! He swears up and down that it was the al­co­hol talk­ing and he doesn’t mean any of the harsh words he spoke the night be­fore.

Should I be­lieve him? Please don’t let me be the naive girl trav­el­ing down a dark rab­bit hole. Self-Con­scious Girl­friend

Dear Girl­friend: Your “amaz­ing” man ap­pears to be a loose-lipped lush. Not know­ing him, I can’t guess the de­gree to which he blacks out when he’s been drink­ing. Some al­co­holics don’t re­mem­ber what hap­pened the night be­fore. Oth­ers sim­ply don’t WANT to re­mem­ber, so they claim am­ne­sia.

Re­gard­less of how you feel about him, for your own well-be­ing, draw the line and tell him he needs to stop drink­ing. If he’s as al­co­hol-de­pen­dent as I sus­pect he is, he will give you an ar­gu­ment or an out­right re­fusal. And that’s your cue to tell him if he wants a fu­ture with you, he will have to make a choice.

Dear Abby: My in-laws are an­gry that I have de­clined to host them over the hol­i­days this year. My hus­band is never help­ful. When com­pany comes, he sits on his mo­bile phone while I do ev­ery­thing.

I told his par­ents I can’t have them over be­cause all the re­spon­si­bil­ity falls on me. My “no” should suf­fice, but my mother-in­law hopes to ar­gue me into host­ing.

We don’t have chil­dren be­cause I knew I would end up rais­ing them alone. I don’t want the in-laws here “hint­ing” that they need us to help them when my hus­band won’t lift a fin­ger.

I re­cently be­came dis­abled, and my in-laws keep pres­sur­ing me to share my di­ag­no­sis with them. They think I should cheer­fully do all the work of host­ing them as a way to fight my dis­abil­ity!

They are ex­tremely nosy. I am now block­ing their calls. I know they will spend their time here try­ing to get a look at my med­i­ca­tions and any fi­nan­cial in­for­ma­tion left out. What else can I do?

Un­merry in Louisiana Dear Un­merry: You should all try to achieve a work­able com­pro­mise, if that’s pos­si­ble. Ask your MIL if she’s pre­pared to take some of the re­spon­si­bil­ity off your shoul­ders if she and her hus­band visit. Sug­gest they stay in a ho­tel or mo­tel rather than bur­den you. And your hus­band (their son) should back you up on this.

Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069.

Abby shares more than 100 of her fa­vorite recipes in two book­lets: “Abby’s Fa­vorite Recipes” and “More Fa­vorite Recipes by Dear Abby.” Send your name and mail­ing ad­dress, plus check or money order for $14, to: Dear Abby, Cook­book­let Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Mor­ris, IL 61054-0447. (Ship­ping and han­dling are in­cluded in the price.)

WHEN HE DRINKS, HE CON­FIDES HIS DEEP FEARS OF DAT­ING ME AND ENU­MER­ATES EACH AND EV­ERY ONE OF MY RE­LA­TION­SHIP IN­SE­CU­RI­TIES. THE NEXT DAY, HE ACTS LIKE NOTH­ING HAP­PENED!

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