We can see why others are as they are when we look through their ‘window’

We are at a point as Americans where people are having a hard time understanding each other. For many, this is an exciting time where transformational change regarding institutionalized racism looks possible. But for others, the feeling is, “I just cannot understand these protests, the looting and the anger at the police when there are so many good officers.” As a mediator and mediation-skills educator, I am always looking for ways to help people understand one another. People have such different histories that it is important to try to unearth how they formed their beliefs.

One of the best ways to help people understand each other is for the mediator to ask questions, usually of both sides. But today my question is just for white people: Is it possible, given the long history of racism in this country, that you should be ready in this moment, in the words of St. Francis, to “not so much seek … to be understood as to understand?”

When I was a child, my favorite book was “Look Through My Window” by Jean Little. It was about young friends and their attempts to understand each other despite religious differences. A wise grandmother is quoted for responding to people who say, “I just cannot understand what makes her act like that” with “Well, look through her window for a while, and it’ll come clear.” To truly understand the fear and deep frustration of people of color, as a white person I am trying to look through a Black person’s window for a while. Teresa F. Frisbie, director, Dispute Resolution Program, Loyola University Chicago School of Law